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13uswntimagines · 4 years ago

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Family’s Hard (Kristie Mewis x Reader)

Request: part 2 of the fic with Kristie that you post today! Maybe something with the r and Kristie both getting call for the national camp and we see a bit of what happen at camp with mal. pt 2. Maybe with both the reader and Kristine on the USENT roster and the fallout with Amal because of the reader being there. part 2 of the reader and mal meet up again joined by the team

Pt. One

You had never been more unhappy while staring at a plate full of pancakes in your entire existence. You loved your typical practice meal (and your girlfriend of almost a year’s hand on your thigh while you ate it), but you weren’t enjoying the disapproving glare you were getting from across the table. She had been like this the moment you stepped off the plane, and you feared she wouldn’t stop until camp was over.

It wasn’t like you decided to sit at this table to annoy Mal. Kristie wanted to sit with Sam, and you weren’t about to brave the dining room all by your little lonesome (plus you liked the team's Tower of Power and enjoyed watching the siblings banter).

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, pushing your chocolate chip pancakes around the plate, and keeping your eyes trained on your fork.

“You ok?” Your girlfriend asked, her lips caressing your ear. You didn’t miss the way your older sister's nose scrunched at the looseness between you and the older midfielder.

“Just tired. The flight from Houston was super long,” You mumbled, shrugging lightly.

“You sure?” Kristie nudged your cheek with her nose and squeezed your thigh. You had been jittery since you left your shared apartment in Houston to head for camp and no amount of reassuring from your girlfriend seemed to be helping.

“Psh. The flight home from France was exhausting, and then we had to get ready for good morning America. That was crazy, right Sammy?” Mal said with a wicked smile, completely cutting you off. Your mouth clicked shut and Kristie squeezed your thigh again (her jaw working overtime to prevent the scathing comment from leaving the tip of her tongue).

Mal had been impossible since you stepped foot into the hotel the USWNT had commandeered for camp. She had swung between outright bitchy and underhanded reminders of Jill's preference of her over you all day and Kristie was getting sick of it. Your shoulders slouched a little more with every remark, every jab clouding over a little bit more of your sunshine.

“That was pretty crazy,” Sam nodded, watching you and her sister carefully. She was trying to run as much interference as she could, but it seemed your sister wanted to make you as uncomfortable as possible. Almost like she was trying to drive you off the team.

“Definitely not as crazy as that party right after we won. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much champagne in my entire life. Not even after we beat Texas,” Mal added, and you shivered at the memory, wilting under her glare.

It was your freshman year (and coincidentally Mal’s senior year), and the first time the two of you had ever really played against each other. UCLA decimated your team and took over a frat house to celebrate. From what you heard, it was one of the biggest parties Texas A&M had ever seen.

Kristie sighed, wrapping the arm that was on your leg around your back, rubbing soothing circles. You leaned into the touch, still playing with the food on your plate, trying to hold your tongue and not rise to Mal’s prodding.

“From what I hear there was a lot of alcohol after Houston won the challenge cup,” Sam nodded, sharing a look with her sister and side-eyeing her friend.

“That was just beer, Sammy. It wasn’t as classy because no one cares about an arbitrary chaos cup win, especially after we won the World Cup. It’s all about scale,” Mal continued, completely ignoring the glare Kristie had pointed at her, enjoying the way you were squirming in your chair.

You shoved your plate away, giving up on eating. You didn’t want to be here.

“I'm sure. I’m gonna go. The uniform staff wanted to see me anyway,” You mumbled, just loud enough for Kristie to hear you (or so you thought).

Mal’s vicious smile grew. She just couldn’t seem to help herself when it came to you. You were always chasing after her, and this time she had done what you couldn’t. She wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

“I’d tell you to switch names, but all I can suggest is to pick a number you can actually live up to,” She sneered.

Your entire being froze and you blinked owlishly at your older sister (taking comfort in how Kristie's arm tightened around you). 13 had been your number since high school, but you knew that Alex was a vet and you weren’t stupid (or disrespectful) enough to even dream of trying to take it. You knew you would never be even close to the level of Alex Morgan.

You had accepted that and Instead chosen a different number, one you were proud to wear. You had no control over the last name on your jersey (until Kristie and you decided you wanted to get married, if you wanted to get married, and that was still pretty far off).

“Come on. They wanted to do a quick check-in with me too,” Kristie said, standing and dragging you with her out of the room, her eyes sending daggers towards your sister. She was done watching you collapse back into yourself.

****

Sam stared at Mal’s Cheshire Cat grin, her mouth agape. She didn’t understand why your older sister was being like this, or how she could continue eating as though she didn’t just rip you apart. (And at this rate someone had to stop her before Kristie killed her).

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sam said, leaning forward and resting both elbows on the table.

Mal shrugged, taking another sip of her orange juice. “What? I’m just being realistic,”

If you didn’t want to hear stories about their triumph at the World Cup, or how awesome the party was afterward, you could just find yourself a new seat (and take your girlfriend with you- you always did have to outdo her).

“You were a little harsh babe,” Rose said softly, patting the forward's hand.

Sam scoffed loudly, shaking her head. “She practically crumbled under that last comment,”

It was painful to watch your shy bean self withdraw back into the shell her sister worked so hard to crack. Even if you had Kristie here to support you, she wasn’t sure how long you would last without bursting into tears or getting into a screaming match with your sister. You were under enough pressure as it was.

“She’s just overly sensitive. If she wants to play in the big leagues she’s going to have to learn to stand up for herself,” Mal rolled her eyes.

It was a going joke in your family that Mal got the brains and beauty, while you just got the leftover emotions. Ever since you were kids, she had been the extroverted one saving you from bullies and being the “good example” that her parents wanted her to be. But this was her thing, and she didn’t want you horning in on it. (It was also a slight protective instinct too. She would rather be the one giving you shit than the media. They were ruthless and you would probably never forgive her. The road to hell was paved with good intentions after all.)

Sam sighed, taking in how Mal’s eyes tighten just a touch beneath her nonchalance. As much as she wanted to pretend she didn’t care about you, it was obvious that she did. The questions now were if she was willing to have a change of attitude and if she would even be able to repair the damage she had already done.

“Just be careful with how far you push her, alright?” Sam said thoughtfully.

Mal rolled her eyes again, any care she may have felt disappearing. “I know what I’m doing Sam,”

“I really hope you do, because I remember what it was like to always be trying to live up to your older sister and how difficult that was. And Kristie knew when to cut me some slack,” Sam said, raising her eyebrow at the younger woman.

She really hoped she could get through to her before Mal lost you, and Kristie kicked her head off.

*****

You sighed into Kristie's lips, enjoying the way her hips pinned you to the wall and her tongue explored your mouth. You weren’t one for public displays of affection, but she had dragged you into an abandoned corner of the hotel after your sister's clear display of disdain.

You guessed an upside to being at camp with Mal was your girlfriend's desire to cheer you up. You always responded better to physical contact (which was why Kristie used it to help you calm down all the time).

You hummed as the hands under your shirt made their way up to cup your cheeks, her fingers tangling in the baby hairs at the back of your neck. She let the kiss continue for another minute, before pulling back, so her lips were just barely ghosting over your own and your foreheads were touching.

You futilely tried to push off the wall and chase her lips, only for her to chuckle and pull back so you couldn’t reach, keeping you pinned with her hips.

“Ah, no more kisses until you say it,” She mumbled, her breath fanning across your lips.

You whined. You loved how supportive Kristie was, but you didn’t want to do this right now. You didn’t want to go through your normal reaffirmation routine. Not after the shots, Mal had taken at you.

“But-“

Kristie chucked at the keening whine again, shaking her head (both at how adorable your pout was and because she was standing her ground). She learned a long time ago that the best way to stop your mental spiraling was for you to say how worth it you were. “No buts. To get what you want you gotta say it,”

You huffed, I ally opening your eyes to look into Kristie’s determined blue. She raised her eyebrow at you.

“I’m an amazing person, no matter what anyone says,” You mumbled, looking away from your girlfriend. She hummed, using her thumb to tilt your chin back up.

“And?” She asked, a smile playing on her lips. Your pout deepened. You were set to start and Mal had made you feel bad about it. Now Kristie was trying to get you to admit that you deserved the opportunity.

The two of you stared at each other for a long minute, and you debated in trying to get back to the kissing again, to not say the last part of your mantra. Kristie's thumb ran soothingly over your cheek as if she was reading your mind. “Come on babe,” she said softly.

You bit your lip, finally giving in. “I shouldn’t feel guilty about opportunities I receive,”

“Good,” Kristie smiled, leaning back in to connect your lips. You smiled back into the kiss. Maybe things weren’t so bad if you got this treatment after your sister was mean to you, even if Kristie was trying to get you to finally confront her about her behavior. “And for the record, you can always say you’ll have a cooler last name later,”

*****

This was getting out of hand. Very out of hand. You hit the ground again, your face scraping against the turf after another bad tackle. You groaned, pushing yourself up off the turf and brushing yourself off, ignoring the hand of the defender in front of you in favor of taking the hand your girlfriend offered.

Kristie glared at the blond defender, very pissed off that she was pushing you so hard. “Fucking watch it Sonnett, another tackle like that and I’ll beat your ass myself,” Your girlfriend growled, brushing a stray piece of turf off your back.

Emily shrugged, awkwardly scratching the back of her neck. “Just trying to test the Rookie. Need to make sure she can handle a little pressure,”

She liked you, but with the pressure, Mal was putting n you, she thought that they were all going to go hard. To show you exactly how difficult this game could be and how much you needed to work to be on their level.

“I think Mal is doing enough of that on her own,” Kristie raised her eyebrow at the woman, still rubbing the turf off your back and cringing at the new burn. If this hadn’t been a teammate’s doing, she probably would have killed them by now. Ripped them limb from limb for touching you, but you didn’t need that. You needed her support and not her overprotectiveness.

“She actually needs to be able to play against Canada,” Sam said, patting her back. Emily shook her head. Mal was right. She would rather be the one to go hard on you and prepare you than some random defender who didn’t care at all.

As far as she was concerned, Mal’s plan was still in effect and you were going to have to pull some trick to get past her again.

****

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Kristie threaded a ball through the gap between Becky and Julie, straight to you. You turned, taking advantage of the gap in the backline, dribbling across to try and get a clear shot.

You didn’t see that gap collapsing. You didn’t see Emily and Midge racing towards you until it was too late. There was a loud crunch as you were caught between the two defenders, and tumbled to the ground.

The reaction from the rest of the team was instant. Kristie raced over, followed closely by Sam. Both women kneeling down next to you, trying to get you to roll over. It seemed that another blue blur was already laying into the two defenders.

“Lay the fuck off my sister,” Mal yelled, shoving Sonnett back from where her shifting form was standing over you.

Emily held her hands up in defense, stumbling away from you. “I’m just trying to keep the intensity up, exactly like you are,”

Mal growled audibly, stepping up to the taller defender and wrapping her fist into her shirt. “It’s different. She’s my sister and I’m the only one who gets to fuck with her. Got it,” she said her voice deadly calm.

Emily nodded rapidly, her eyes wide as Mal straightened her shirt, patting her shoulder. Emily backed away slowly, her hands still extended, terrified that Mal (and your girlfriend) would decide to actually kill her.

Mal nodded once the offending defenders were far enough away from you, before turning in your direction.

You were finally on your feet, shifting awkwardly and rubbing the back of your neck.

“Thanks,” You mumbled as she approached.

She smiled, pulling you into a very strange hug.“You got it, kid. I love you, even if you’re not as good as me yet,”

She let you go and winked. You smiled and trotted off back to your position, warmth filling you. Sure you weren’t on the best terms, but you were sisters and the act was like a white flag. A truce.

Kristie caught Mal’s arms as she passed. “Learn to lay off a little bit. I don’t want to have to hurt you,”

Mal nodded. You were family mad the only one who got to mess with you was her. She would kill anyone else who tried and she was glad you had gained two protectors.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #kristie mewis imagine #kristie mewis x reader

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navegandoaciegas · 4 years ago

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I love my baby to death

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: fluff, friends to lovers, tiniest bit of angst but really tiny I promise, 3.5k words, set after Endgame

Summary: “Say, hypothetically, there’s a 100 year old fossil who’s a bit confused most of the time but he’s got the spirit, right?, and he’s outside with a packed duffle bag, what would you do?”

You were supposed to enjoy a solo roadtrip after years of Avenging, but Bucky invites himself along and you can’t say no to his happy face.

A/N: I haven’t slept in a week because of nightmares and I just needed something to cheer me up, I guess. Reader took Steve’s side in CA:CW and spent two years with him as a nomad. You can choose to see her and Natasha as a platonic relationship or a romantic one, it’s up to you.

masterlist

Read the sequel to this here

“They’re just so fuckin’ gross I don’t understand how you can eat them.”

Bucky sends you his best death glare as he continues digging in his soggy cardboard In-N-Out fries.

“We could have literally stopped by Arby’s three miles west of here” you continue, “they have the best fries. We’re missing out, clearly.” you deadpan eyeing his food skeptically.

“The curly ones? God no, they’re so spicy. I don’t know why you like your food to hurt but I don’t.”

“Okay, first of all they’re not spicy at all, I don’t know where you got that from. And second, they have a taste at least, unlike these.” You reiterate your point by swinging one the fries in his face. Bucky just grabs your hand and bites the fry, almost biting your fingers off too.

“Yeah, like that god-awful spicy chicken you forced on me the other day? No thank you, ma’am, I’ll stand by my own food choices.”

You snort. “Not my fault your post-Depression ass can’t handle anything other than salt and black pepper. But sure, go ‘head and enjoy your sorry excuse of a meal, Buck.”

“People from your generation sure love complaining, huh? Back in my days you ate what your mama made you and never bitched about it, or else you went to bed hungry.”

God, he’s such a grampa. You make a show of rolling your eyes and huffing in annoyance. He likes his senior citizen card a bit too much. He tries to stifle a laugh when he sees the look on your face and just shakes his head at you.

California (and Bucky Barnes) has stolen your heart and you’ve loved this road trip so much you often wonder why it took you being snapped and facing the end of the world twice to retire from the avenging business.

Fresno is interesting, to say the least.

He wanted to stop by, saying something about wanting to see “an old pal from the war” ’s hometown for himself, and you’ve been dreaming about exploring Yosemite for as long as you can remember.

Online pictures of Yosemite National Park were stunning but the real thing is just breathtaking.

You never thought camping would become your thing and you never imagined you’d enjoy stargazing so much. In five months you’ve discovered how big of a nerd Bucky really is and he’s been trying to teach you the names of all the stars and constellations.

He sees Big Dipper, Orion, Ursa Major and Minor; you see pretty twinkling lights and the occasional shooting star. Nevertheless you sit through hours and hours of explanations, because when he speaks of the things he’s passionate about, Bucky is the most beautiful thing in the world.

“You know, the stars are one of the things I missed the most.” he says softy, furrowing his brows as he does when he remembers something from the past. “Stevie and I used to do that as kids sometimes. We’d sneak out of our houses and go on the roof of this abandoned building to watch the stars. Now there’s so much goddamn light everywhere, you can’t even see them anymore.”

Sometimes when you stop and think about it, really think, you can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them, having everything, even the night sky taken away from them.

“Steve never told me.”

“He probably missed the stars too.”

You eye him looking for clues on how he might feel, but you only see a sad smile on his face. “You miss him, don’t you?”

“Every damn day.” his voice cracks and you hold him closer.

“I know Buck, I miss him too. I miss him so much that sometimes I feel like my life has no direction without my Captain.” You’re barely holding back your own tears at this point, “But we’ve got Sam if we need orders, yes?” but you still try to make him smile. You’re always going to try for him.

Your attempt works and he snorts. Always bring Sam up to cheer Bucky.

“I hope he was happy, you know.” he says, “I hope he made the right choice and never regretted a thing. I hope that now he looks back and thinks he wouldn’t have had it any other way. His happiness is all I could ever ask for.”

You cling to each other that night and cry until the early morning. It feels good to let it all out, to let Steve go and look at the future. You’ve lost too much but tonight you only have hope.

-----

New York

Five months before

“Words on the street is you’re retiring your crusty old ass from the field.”

Sam is leaning on the door of your hotel room with his arms folded and a pleased look on his face.

“Rumors travel fast in this post-apocalyptic word, I see.” you say as you continue stuffing a duffle bag with all the clothes you have left.

“How are you?” Sam asks, with his newly found Captain voice. You wonder if it’s something in that damn shield that gives them that stern commanding tone.

“Tryina analize me, Sammy? I’m not one of your guys at the VA.”

It’s not like you’re pissed at Sam, you love him with all your heart, you’re just angry at the world and Sam’s the one standing in your way right now.

You hear him sigh, “I know what you’re feeling right now, I understand why you would think that-” “Don’t” you interrupt him, “Don’t give me that speech, Fury did that for you already. I’m not running away from my problems.”

“I’m not saying that-” you really don’t want him to talk today, so you stop him again “No but you’re thinking it.”

“I know what it’s like.” he says raising his voice “To lose who you care the most in the world. We all lost someone important but you lost Natasha and I know, trust me I know what you feel right now, because it’s what I felt when I lost Riley.”

You stop and swallow the tight lump in your throat.

Your eyes well up with tears as you turn to look at him. You’ve been so blinded by your own pain and anger you didn’t stop for a moment to think about others. “I’m sorry Sam, I shouldn’t have treated you like that.” you say sobbing.

Why did she have to leave you?

Stupid, stupid Natasha. Why did she have to sacrifice herself for the world?

Why her?

He hugs you tight and rocks you back and forth. “I understand why you’re leaving and I’m not here to stop you, I promise. Just keep in touch, yes? Text me everyday so I’m not tempted to track you down and fly wherever you are to see if you’re good.”

You smile for the first time in a long time.

“Don’t worry Sam, you’ll get tired of all the selfies I’ll send you, eventually.”

“You know I’ll never get tired of this pretty face.” he says raising his eyebrows suggestively, making you laugh. “Good, that’s my girl. I missed this laugh so much.”

You stay in his arms a while longer until it’s time for you to leave.

“This is not the only reason I’m here.” he says and clears his throat, “Say, hypothetically, there’s a 100 year old fossil who’s a bit confused most of the time but he’s got the spirit, right?, and he’s outside with a packed duffle bag, what would you do?”

“What?” you manage to stammer out. “Bucky just... wants to...tag along?”

You are now as confused as Bucky is most of the time.

Sam shrugs. “I guess? You know he’s weird like that.”

What he really means is he’s just like you, lost and confused and in desperate need to live a little, but he doesn’t say it out loud. There’s no need to.

“So, would you mind if he came too?”

You see Bucky standing outside, leaning on your SUV. He’s cut his hair short and he looks hotter than you would like to. He turns around and waves at you with a big smile on his face. Like Sam often says, you too like his energy.

“No, I wouldn’t mind at all.”

----

Denver, Colorado

It’s a long way from New York to Colorado and if you’re honest, you’ve loved every minute of it and you’re glad Bucky came along with you. He’s witty, laid back, snarky, smart and overall a fun guy for someone who was a prisoner to nazis for 70 years.

“Look all I’m saying is I think Edward is a fuckin’ creep. Would you like it if someone stood in your room and looked at you while you sleep?”

“But is that someone a hot vampire, Bucky?”

“It literally doesn’t even matter.”

“Stop saying literally Buck, you’re a 100 year old man, not a valley girl.”

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Lemme check a map.”

“Bucky it’s on the screen there, Google says we have 20 minutes left.”

“But can we trust this Google guy?”

“All I’m saying is if you made and enjoyed congealed salads you probably don’t deserve your right to vote for the future of this country.”

“I mean...fair enough?”

“Do we count blipped years or not?”

“At this point it, it barely makes a difference in my case, doll.”

“Honestly you’ve got a point, old man.”

“How are you so calm right now?”

“My standards are so low it’s practically impossible to piss me off.”

“But you aren’t even a little bothered?”

“Chill, it’s just a flat tire, it’s gonna take 10 minutes to fix.”

“Buck we talked about the things that are unacceptable. ‘Chill’ coming out of your mouth is one of those.”

It’s your second week in Denver already, and you’re having the time of your life.

Bucky is spooning you like he usually does. You think back to the first time you’ve shared a bed and you almost giggle at the memory.

“Uh, Buck?”

“Yes?”

“We might have a problem.”

He enters the room after you and his eyes widen when he sees it.

There’s a bed in the room.

A single bed.

You weren’t expecting much from this place that gives you ‘Bates Motel’ vibes, but you thought you’d have two beds, or at least a couch.

“I’ll just sleep on the floor, don’t worry about it.”

“What?” you shriek “Absolutely not, I’m not letting you suffer all night. We’re going to share.”

“But I-”

“No buts, you know how many times I slept with Steve? I’m used to you supersoldier men by now, I’m no longer affected by your kicks.”

He stays silent. “You and Steve used to…?”

Only then you realize you could have phrased it better.

“God no, I meant just, ya know, share bed.”

He smiles and nods. Why does he look relieved?

Now he clings to you every night, and most times he’s the little spoon because he likes to be held. You used to hate sleeping tangled with someone else until you woke up on top of Bucky, his hands caressing your back, and he told you he had the best night of sleep he’s had in decades.

There’s a lot of things you do just because they make him happy, actually.

But how could you not?

There’s no point in denying your feelings.

----

Salt Lake City, Utah

God, you love Utah.

You drive through immense stretches of red desert whilst Bucky blasts Nicki Minaj like his life depends on it; that’s how it always ends up when he rides shotgun.

He insisted on visiting Monument Valley despite it being out of your way, but you can never find it in yourself to refuse him anything, so you drove 9 hours straight from Denver to the southern border of Utah just so he could see a place that looks a lot like the ones in those Western cowboy movies from the 50s and 60s he loves so much.

“Yasha would have hated it here so much.” you say as you pull over the Airbnb you’ve rented for a couple of days in Salt Lake City.

He snorts, “Yeah, I bet she would have.”

You thought time would heal all wounds and that someday you might stop feeling the void in your life when you think of her, but now you know you’ll never stop hurting. She was such a big part of your life for so long that your heart will never stop aching for her.

Sometimes you think how she never got to see you again after you were snapped.

You wonder if she ever stopped missing you.

You know you’ll never not miss her.

You’ve driven for more than humanly possible in two days, but he’s a supersoldier and you’re really stubborn, and now you can’t wait to sleep in a nice bed for the first time in a long while. Usually you just make do with motels, but tonight you wanted to treat yourselves.

You enter the place and notice immediately the two queen size beds.

You should be relieved, and if it was 4 months ago when you first shared a bed you would probably be, but now you’re so used to his warm body next to yours, his flesh arm over you and his face resting in the crook of your neck that you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to fall asleep without him.

“I’ll go shower first if you don’t mind.” you say as you mentally berate yourself for your thoughts.

Your goal to not fall in love with Bucky Barnes flew out the window somewhere in the green fields of Western Iowa, but at this point you’re just treading a dangerous path and you know you’re going to get hurt.

There’s no way Bucky feels the same about you, right?

You get out the shower, put on a t-shirt you’ve stolen from Steve ages ago and get out of the bathroom, only to stop when you see Bucky on the bed you claimed as yours.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind but I feel better when I sleep with you.”

Maybe he does.

----

Nevada

Technically it takes roughly 43 hours to get from New York to Sacramento by car. It took you almost five months.

You’ve been covering Interstate 80, stopping and visiting towns, cities and parks along the way as you pleased, sleeping in seedy motels, your SUV or that fancy ass tent Bucky bought somewhere in Ohio. You’ve begged Bucky to drive from Salt Lake City straight to Sacramento, stopping only when it’s absolutely necessary; you’ll be visiting Nevada after California anyways, so for now you’re just enjoying the scenic drive, with the windows rolled down and the air messing up your hair.

“What’s that song called?” Bucky asks and raises the radio’s volume.

“That’s Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers.” you answer absentmindedly, distracted by the seemingly endless stretch of black asphalt and yellowish nothingness around it.

She’s lover, baby and a fighter

Shoulda seen it coming when I got a little brighter

Bucky sings along and smiles glancing your way.

“I like this.” he exclaims when the song ends “Can we listen to it again, please?”

You smile softly and play it again. If there’s one thing Bucky is capable of is listening to the same song on repeat multiple times until you’re so sick of it you don’t ever want to hear it again.

Who knew the other side of you

Who knew what others died to prove

You never thought Bucky would be like this, or that you’d be privileged enought to see this side of him.

There’s a big smile on his face and the orange hues of the sky reflect in his clear eyes. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel and the vibranium one resting on the car’s door and he looks so different from the man haunted by his past and loneliness you met in Budapest all those years ago. He looks so carefree and relaxed now, so happy.

You are proud of him.

California rest in peace

Simultaneous release

California show your teeth

She’s my priestess and I’m your priest

I love my baby to death

------

San Diego, California

You’ve hiked the hills of southern Cali and gone parapending in Torrey Pines. You landed on a breathtaking beach with beautiful dark sand and soon found out, much to Bucky’s dismay and utter disgust, that it was a nudist beach.

He grumbled something about ‘hygiene’ and ‘decor’ and you just laughed at his flustered state.

“First time seeing a naked woman, old man?” you asked in between fits of laughter.

You didn’t notice the sea lion swimming next to you in La Jolla and not even Thanos’ creepy gang could have scared you as much when you turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. Bucky got his revenge filming you as you shot out the ocean with a shrill, covered in algae and terrified.

You are loving the San Diego area so far. Minus the sea lions.

“Hey I- uh- do you mind if I take the car? I wanted to go do some shopping.” Bucky tells you.

He’s really embarrassed for some reason.

You shrug and mumble a ‘sure’ before going back to basking in the sun by the pool of the hotel you’re staying at.

“Okay, I-I guess I’ll g-go then, I’ll come pick you up at 5.30 for dinner.” he stutters out.

Weird, you think, but you don’t give it too much thought. Bucky is like that.

Dinner time rolls around and as promised Bucky comes pick you up on time.

You’re wearing a short green dress with white daisies printed on it and a pair of strappy white sandals. You look good and you know it; Bucky knows it too, judging from the glances he tries to sneak your way.

“So, uhm-” he clears his voice, “I know it’s going to sound weird but I promise it’s not. Can I- Can I blindfold you?”

Can he...what? You could split me in half and I’d be glad about it, you’d like to say.

“Kinky. You could at least buy me differ first, tho.” you settle for something safer instead.

He blushes three shades darker than his usual color and you take the black scarf he’s handing you, barely concealing a teasing smile.

He drives around for a while. When you get to your destination the first thing you hear is the waves beating on the shore and the smell of the ocean. He helps you get out and guides you somewhere.

“Wait here.”

You hear him park the car in reverse, open the trunk and fiddle with something. He comes up behind you and removes the blindfold. You feel his hot breath on your neck and it sends tingles down your spine straight to your pu- “You can look now.”

When you open your eyes you are stunned for a moment. You turn around with a big smile that turns even bigger when you notice the blankets and the little picnic he’s assembled in the trunk.

“Buck, this is- I can’t believe you remembered.”

Somewhere in Colorado you mentioned how romantic you thought Sunset Cliffs were, and how much you wished you could do something like this. It was a fleeting moment, a thought uttered out loud absentmindedly over a couple of drinks in some bar. You were tipsy and you were running your mouth about all the things you’d want in a partner to some random girl who became your best friends for the night.

You realize you’re tearing up when his fingers grace your cheeks.

It feels nice to be cared about so much. It’s been too long since someone took such good care of you.

“I thought I’d do something special for you.” he says with an adorable blush.

“Thank you Bucky, I love this.” you hug him tightly and bury your face in his chest, inhaling his scent.

“Anything for my girl.”

“When did I become your girl, huh?” you ask teasingly.

“Probably when I invited myself on this trip.”

You both laugh at that.

You swallow hard when you see the look on his face. God, how did you miss the signs? You were always a better sniper than a spy, Yasha always told you.

Your heart is beating out of your chest in anticipation as he leans down slowly and your lips brush lightly. His hands are on your waist and yours on his broad shoulders. He kisses you timidly at first, and more passionately as he gains confidence.

“I wanted to do this since Bucharest.” he confesses after your lips part.

“Took you long enough, Sarge.”

But it was worth the wait.

Tonight’s sunset will be burned in the back of your mind permanently.

You kiss and laugh some more, and feed eachother seedless grapes because they’re the only ones you eat. He’s brought strawberries, white wine because you don’t drink red, hummus and pita and an assortment of cheese and crackers.

You kiss and talk, cuddle, laugh and kiss some more all night.

You’ve accepted long ago that you’ll never fill the gaping hole in your lives, but that night when you make love to eachother the void in your hearts that Steve and Natasha left behind doesn’t seem as encompassing as it usually is.

---

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, please reblog and comment, feedback is always appreciated 🥺🤲 might fuck around and write Bucky’s POV too.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #marvel fanfiction #sebastian stan x reader #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #james barnes x reader #james barnes x you #james barnes x y/n

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atc74 · 5 years ago

Text

Heartbeat - Chapter Two

Warnings: COVID-19, Croatoan, Fluff, quarantine, Mentions of fever, coughing, (Each chapter will have additional warnings).

Summary: Sam, Dean, and Y/N are sheltering in place at the Bunker, researching this new virus that has created a world pandemic. But what happens when one of your own is immune compromised?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1850

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches because she’s the best

A/N: I’M BAAAAACCKKKK, well, mostly :) I know I’m not the only one struggling with life right now, and writing has been hard. Thank you all for sticking it out until I was able to get something together for you guys. This is only temporary and will pass. Keep your chin up and try on your jeans every few days.

Heartbeat Masterlist

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

Previously…

“Sam, I’m sure you both took the necessary precautions. Dean’s a germaphobe by nature so I’m sure he is out there now, sanitizing his Baby already. He wore a mask, didn’t he? And gloves?”

“He sure did. Got some strange looks and things got a little dicey at the liquor store, and the drugstore. I don’t know why people are still hoarding toilet paper and feminine hygiene products,” Sam said, a look of disbelief on his face.

“It’s actually a psychological response to minimize risk. It’s an emotional contagion as well, so when it starts happening in one part of the country, that news spreads and it drives people, either by fear, anxiety, or panic, into doing the same thing. I get the toilet paper, since that is a need everyone has, but tampons, really? I don’t know why I’m surprised by anything at this point,” Y/N chuckled a bit as she reached for one of the bags to help Sam.

“No!” Sam pulled the bags back from her. “Sorry. It’s just, um, can you please go wait in the library until I get all of this unpacked and sanitized? Please?”

“Yes, I can. Thank you, Sam. I appreciate you and am thankful for your concern,” Y/N smiled as she rose to her feet and made her way down the hall. She loved Sam as more than just a brother and her best friend. He had become her physical therapist of sorts, designing different workouts for her to keep her body strong when the MS wanted to take it from her. Sam had also done extensive research on different dietary and nutrition plans that people with MS have had success with combating their symptoms. Dean was her emotional rock, while Sam became the physical one. She lowered herself into one of the recliners and picked up a book. She’d had enough research for the day and some Harry Potter was what she needed to take her mind off things.

Now…

“Hey, honey, wake up,” Dean whispered, his breath fanning across her face as she stirred.

“Hi,” she smiled, stretching. “Did I fall asleep again? What time is it?”

“Yeah, you did,” Dean affirmed. “It’s just before six and dinner is almost ready. You hungry?”

“Starving!” Y/N said, getting to her feet and wrapping her husband in her arms. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just, it’s crazy out there and I’ve never seen anything like this before. Not even with the Croatoan virus back in oh six. That was small beans compared to the shit that is going on out there. We need to be even more careful than ever before. You can’t afford to get sick, honey. And I can’t afford to lose you,” Dean admitted.

“You and Sam are taking all the necessary precautions to make sure that doesn’t happen. I trust you both with my life,” Y/N leaned up, sliding her lips gently over Dean’s.

“I talked to your dad today. He is on his way to Rufus’ old cabin in Whitefish. He wanted to come home, but,” Dean paused, not sure how to tell his wife that her dad can’t be there right now.

“I know, baby. And, he knows, too. I’ll call him later, let him know I’m okay,” Y/N nodded. “Let’s eat.”

Over the next several days, the news reports were filled with more cases, more bodies. The National Guard was being mobilized in New York and Milwaukee, among other cities. Hotels, motels, and college dormitories were being converted into quarantine facilities as the virus continued to spread, despite the recommendations of federal and local government. Social distancing, shelter in place, and flatten the curve were terms used so many times in too many reports.

“So get this. You know how Chuck’s been throwing this temper tantrum? Destroying all the other worlds he created? What if, and this is going to sound a little out there, even for us, but what if, this is Chuck’s plan for our world? He knows he’ll never get the ending he wants, Dean and I killing each other. So, he’s decided to spread this virus, create a pandemic and kill off humanity?” Sam proposed. He leaned back in his chair looking between Dean and Y/N.

“Why wouldn’t he just snap his fingers and Earth go boom?” Dean asked.

“Because it’s too easy and frankly, it lacks the drama he’s looking for. If he snaps his fingers, who is going to be here to care? If this is his plan, killing off humanity slowly, then it’s all over the news. People are fascinated by tragedy, driven by it, and he gets the audience he craves,” Sam shrugged.

“So how do we stop him?” Dean pondered.

Y/N shook her head, ridding it of the current conversation. She was going stir crazy. In the last week, Dean had cleaned every weapon in the armory and Baby. Sam had inventoried three storage rooms, even one he didn’t remember they had. She couldn’t look at another news report.

“Dean, baby. I need to get out of the Bunker. Please,” Y/N begged him over coffee during the fourth week. “I’ve been cooped up here for weeks. I need to see the sunshine, feel the wind on my face.”

“Y/N, honey, it’s not safe out there,” Dean shook his head. “I can’t let anything happen to you. You’re my world.”

“Dean, I know. And I’m not asking you to take me to the store, or anything crazy. What if we just take a drive? I can see the sun, feel the wind. Just you, me, and the open road?” Y/N was practically purring in his ear.

“No more than an hour, and I mean it, Missy,” Dean stood, pointing his finger in her direction.

In less than ten minutes, they were in the car and headed down the dirt road leading from the Bunker. It was a beautiful, warm spring day and Y/N could already see the fields blooming with wild flowers as Dean sped past them. Placing her hand in his as he drove, she slid across the bench seat and smiled. This was exactly what she needed. Y/N was happy for the first time in weeks.

If anything, Dean was a man of his word and just over an hour later, he pulled Baby back into the garage. As he helped her out of the car, handing over her cane, he pecked her on the lips. “Feel better?”

“My cup runneth over, my love. Now, it’s naptime,” she announced, climbing the small set of steps with some difficulty as tremors overtook her lower extremities, and she lost her footing.

“Hey, hey, I got you, honey,” Dean said, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her down the hall to their room. He laid her gently on the bed before he sat beside her. “Are they getting worse?”

“Not worse, not better, just…there.” She closed her eyes, fatigued from the fresh air. “Would you get me some water please?”

“Of course, you need to take your meds anyway. I’ll be right back, don’t run away on me now,” Dean joked as he rose. He rushed down to the kitchen for a bottle of water. By the time he returned to the bedroom, Y/N was asleep. He hated to wake her, but he knew how bad things could get if she missed a dose. With water and pills in hand, Dean roused her gently. “Honey, I need you to take these, ‘kay?”

“Right, okay. I fell asleep, didn’t I?” Y/N said sheepishly, pulling herself up enough to accept the water and pills from her husband.

“Yeah, must’ve been all that fresh air,” Dean waited until she swallowed her meds, then put the cover back on the water, placing it on the nightstand for her. “Get some rest, I’ll start dinner.” He kissed her softly, pulling the blankets over her.

Dean closed the door softly behind him, and headed for the kitchen, trying to decide what was on the menu. “What’s for dinner, Sammy?” He asked his brother seated at the table.

“It’s a nice day, maybe we could grill up some chicken breasts. Chicken pesto linguine?” Sam suggested, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Dean agreed, pulling out the ingredients for the pesto. “Y/N seem off to you?”

“I think we’re all a little off right now, man. This thing, it has lower mortality rates than the seasonal flu, from all the reports that I’ve read, but it spreads like wildfire. The world hasn’t seen anything like this since the Spanish flu, in like 1919. But, exactly what do you mean, ‘a little off’?” Sam rambled.

“We went for a drive today, just an hour, to get her out of the house, but she was asleep by the time I got her pills, and it seems like the tremors in her legs are getting worse. When I asked her about them, she just brushed it off.” Dean shook his head. “We’ve got to be more careful, man. I can’t lose her, Sammy.”

“And, you’re not going to, Dean. She’s strong, stronger than the MS, stronger than this virus, whatever it is. I’ll figure it out. It screams demons, just like Croatoan back in 2006,” Sam tried his best to reassure his brother.

“Yeah, but no one is going batshit crazy this time, with the exception of the hoarding.”

“I’m still looking into it. I’ve got several other hunters on it, too. We’ll figure it out. In the meantime, I’ll do the supply runs on my own. You don’t need to be exposing yourself or Y/N,” Sam decided.

“Thanks, Sammy. We appreciate that,” Dean said, returning to the sauce.

~*~

“Hey, honey. It’s time to wake up,” Dean whispered, peppering her face with soft kisses, making her squirm. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled, snuggling deeper into her pillow, but the pillow was not as soft as she remembered. She lifted her head, opening one eye to discover she was sleeping on top of him. “You were not here when I fell asleep. Oh crap! How long have I been sleeping?”

“Just a few hours, but dinner is ready, then I’ll fix you a bath, and tonight is your turn to pick the movie.” Dean slowly sat up, bringing her with him. “How does that sound?”

“Relaxing,” she yawned.

Dean helped Y/N to her feet, grabbing her cane for her, since she hated being carried as a general rule. “Let’s eat.”

“I didn’t realize how hungry I was,” Y/N said as she sat down. Dean took his seat next to her as the three of them dished up their plates. “This smells amazing.”

“Sammy’s idea, honey. I’m just the cook,” Dean chuckled, passing the pasta.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes, everyone enjoying their meal. “Dean, baby, this is phenomenal. It’s nice to know if we rid the world of all the monsters, you have a fall back career as a chef,” Y/N teased her husband, Sam laughing along with her. She started coughing and reached out for her water.

“Hey, you okay?” Dean watched with concern.

“Yes, just a little coughing fit, triggered by the giggles,” Y/N said.

“Yeah, yeah, chuckle heads. Now eat up,” Dean groaned, but his worries didn’t fade.

“Honey, you’re warm. You feeling okay?” Dean voiced his concern as they settled into bed a few hours later.

“Yes, babe. I’m just tired,” Y/N yawned, almost as if to prove her point.

“We’re taking your temperature,” Dean said, getting out of bed to get the thermometer.

“Dean, I think you’re overreacting a bit. I’m probably just still warm from our bath,” Y/N reasoned, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“It’s just a precaution, honey. I’m sure it’s nothing, but this virus is not like others. It moves quickly and it’s lethal.” He took a seat next to her and shoved the thermometer in her mouth before she could protest again. When the beep sounded, he removed it and checked the digital readout. “It’s 99.5, low grade. But I’m still keeping an eye on it, and you.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” Y/N yawned once more and rolled over, her eyes closing instantly. “Love you.”

“I love you, too, Y/N,” Dean echoed, crawling in beside her and pulling the blanket up to cover them both. He pulled her small frame into him, wanting, needing to keep her closer than usual.

Sleep did not come easily for Dean that night; he was worried about Y/N. Since she returned to his life, his nightmares and insomnia were few and far between, but as he lay next to her, his mind played out a thousand different scenarios where he couldn’t save her. He was hyper aware every time she moved, coughed, or even breathed heavily. He finally fell under, out of pure exhaustion, just before five in the morning, only to be plagued with nightmares of the same.

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it!

The Whole Enchilada: @iwantthedean @dolphincliffs @mrswhozeewhatsis @meganwinchester1999 @cherrycokegirls1 @closetspngirl @roxyspearing @flamencodiva @blacktithe7 @sis-tafics @just-another-busyfangirl @evansrogerskitten @amanda-teaches @hannahindie @wotinspntarnation @winchesterprincessbride @winecatsandpizza @kickingitwithkirk @wi-deangirl77 @hobby27 @mogaruke @gh0stgurl @alleiradayne @idreamofplaid @seenashwrite @manawhaat @crashdevlin @thoughtslikeaminefield @emoryhemsworth

The Dean’s List: @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @adoptdontshoppets @supernatural-jackles @fandom-princess-forevermore @akshi8278 @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Heartbeat: @idksupernatural @imaginationisgrowth @gabrielslittleangel

#dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester angst #supernatural fanfiction

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roxyspearing · 6 years ago

Text

Even hunters like fireworks

Just a quick little thing I whipped up for @spngenrebingo

Happy Independence Day to all my American followers :) and there’s a little nod to SPN 5x16 in here

Summary: It’s been a while since you got to do something normal. So when your case finishes early July 4th, you’re determined to get the Winchesters to enjoy the day.

Word count: 450

Characters: Reader, Dean, Sam

Warnings: minor swearing, mentions of old injuries

Square filled: Fourth of July

*******************************

“OK, I’ve got coffee, I’ve got bacon, I’ve got- what the hell is this?!” You exclaim, the motel door still open behind you.

“Case is finished. No reason to stick around, so once Sammy finishes sorting out that Disney princess hair of his, we are out of here. I’m just gonna stick these bags in the car, if you can just get out the way.”

“No.” Dean stops in his tracks at the sound of your voice, green eyes rising to meet your steely gaze.

“What do you me...”

“I mean, No.”

“What’s going on?” Sam asks, coming out the bathroom to find you and Dean in a stare-off.

“I’m not actually sure.”

“What’s going on Sam, Dean, is that today is the fourth of July. It’s a goddamn national holiday. So if everyone else is getting the day off, then so are we.”

“Y/N, I don’t think monsters take days off.”

“Maybe not. But we’ve been running ourselves ragged for months. If it’s not a bunch of dick angels, it’s another demon making a play for hell. And that’s before we get to any of your day-to-day, I’m a monster just because I am. And now it’s fourth of July, none of us have a broken arm or a spectacular black eye, so we will drop the bags in the car, but then we are going to a bar, drinking beer, eating burgers, and then we shall use one of our many fraudulent credit cards, get some fireworks, and find ourselves a field. Because damn it, even hunters like fireworks!!” You breath out raggedly as you come to the end of your little speech.

“Actually, that that does sound fun.” Sam pipes up, and bless his heart, he digs in deep and flashes his puppy dog eyes at Dean.

“Oh my Go- fine! We will do fourth of July. Happy?”

“Yeah.” You and Sam say.

“Good. Y/N?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“You’re still blocking the frigging door.”

“Is that long enough?”

“I think so...unroll a bit more wire.”

“Oh my god boys! You’re both giants, you can just run over here!” You yell from your perch on Baby’s hood.

“If my Baby gets damaged...” Dean yells back.

“She’ll be fine!” Sam’s already jogging back over to you, and you reach into the cooler for another bottle.

“OK! Fire in the hole!” Dean yells, and the world seems to stop for a second, and then the sky is filled with colour as the fireworks go off. Sam and Dean are transfixed, their faces looking younger then usual.

“Almost as good as 1996.” Sam laughs.

“Maybe even better.” Dean replies, meeting your eyes. “Hey, Y/N.”

“Dean?”

“You were right. Even hunters like fireworks.”

*****************************************************

Forevers and evers:

@like-a-bag-of-potatoes @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @grace-for-sale @jayankles @atc74 @mrsbatesmotel53 @gryffindorofcabin21 @dolphinpink310 @goldenolaf25 @kdfrqqg @ellen-reincarnated1967 @fictionalabyss @heyitscam99 @just-another-busyfangirl @amanda-teaches @tn-grayson @girl-next-door-writes @feelmyroarrrr @blacktithe7 @masksandtruths @maui137 @holyfuckloueh @tina8009 @polina-93 @emoryhemsworth @whimsicalrobots @x-waywardaf-x @be-amaziing @horsegirly99 @bitterstar88 @hunterswearingplaid @deangirl7695 @thisismysecrethappyplace @calaofnoldor @randomparanoid @flamencodiva @beththedemonhunter @hawaiianohana31

Winchester wonders (Dean/Sam combined):

@akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @cuffski @ruprecht0420 @kathaswings @deanscarlett @hobby27 @deanssweetheart23 @yourvoiceislikearose @wingedcatninja @pisces-cutie @mogaruke @lastactiontricia @oneshoeshort

#spngenrebingo #winchesters x friend reader #winchesters x platonic reader #dean winchester x friend reader #sam winchester x friend reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural reader insert #roxy writes fanfiction #roxy writes supernatural #new writing

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jisforjudi · 6 years ago

Photo

Finty Williams: Me and my mum, Judi Dench

As Finty Williams stars in a role her mother, Judi Dench, played to acclaim, she tells Andrew Billen about the joy and pain of being in a famous family

Andrew Billen

September 28 2018, 12:01am, The Times

During a play’s rehearsal period, the most likely moment a journalist will interview its star is over lunch. This is often unsatisfactory. The reporter finds the actor’s mind still half in the rehearsal room; the actor, between answers, barely gets through a sandwich. So I am pleased that Finty Williams, who is in a revival of Hugh Whitemore’s subtly anguished 1983 play Pack of Lies, agrees instead to see me at the end of a day’s rehearsals at the Menier Chocolate Factory in south London.

Now we are talking in its bar, however, she seems to me exhausted: vulnerable and unsure. It is a perception, admittedly, enhanced by her pale skin and slight frame. Still, it cannot be good when an actress answers a question about what she is doing next with “probably run a cat home on a Greek island” or describes herself as a participant in a race in which her mother is hundreds of places in front of her.

Judi Dench is a subject hard to avoid when interviewing Williams, and impossible to do so today. This is the first London production of Pack of Lies since it opened at the Lyric Theatre, London, in 1983 when Dench was cast in the very part that Williams, her daughter, plays now. When I ask if this a coincidence, Williams’s riposte is: “You’d have to ask somebody else that.” I could, but what could the theatre say other than that she is the best actress for the role? No doubt she is, but in a wicked world where publicity angles sell tickets, the reply might not tell the whole story.

The play is based on a true espionage case from the early Sixties. The Jacksons, a suburban London couple, are approached by Special Branch for permission to spy from their bedroom window on their friends, the Krogers, across the road. The Canadian bookseller, Peter, and his vivacious wife, Helen, are, in fact, Soviet spies. Williams plays Barbara Jackson, whose fate is to discover that she has been lied to by Helen and must betray her best friend back. In a coda, we learn that she dies soon after the Krogers’ unmasking. This is not true of the real “Barbara”, Ruth Search, but the play ends with a death knell.

An intense day of rehearsal, I suggest to Williams, sensing her mood. “Really intense because it’s a play about spies, obviously, but it’s also a play about friendship,” she says. Friendship, I shall discover, is a delicate subject for her.

Williams, who was 46 this week, remembers finding the play intense in performance when she first saw, or rather heard it, many times, from the Lyric’s dressing room. She was 12 and her father, Michael Williams, was in it too, as Barbara’s husband. Her godmother, Barbara Leigh-Hunt, played Helen. “I remember being very upset by the end,” she says. “Really shocked.”

Dench and her husband acted on stage several times together, and enjoyed it. However, when Dench became M in the James Bond franchise in 1995 and when, four years later, she won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love, equivalence in their two careers was destroyed. Michael Williams was hugely proud of Dench, their daughter says, but Hollywood can be “quite a ruthless place if you’re the plus-one”. She says: “I think he found that very difficult.”

The question that she will have heard before (oh, imagine the number of times) is how difficult it is for her, as an actress, to be the daughter of Britain’s greatest actress. Her sensible reply is that if she had entered the profession wanting to be either as good or famous as Dench, she would have set herself up for a fall. She did not. The problem is other people. “A lot of people want to go, ‘She’s not as good as her mother,’ which is true, but I can also name you another 80 people who probably aren’t as good.”

Does it piss her off? “It pisses me off being pre-judged. That pisses me off, pisses me off hugely. Just because I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t know whether, if your father is a brain surgeon, people go, ‘He’s not as good a brain surgeon as his father.’ I don’t know whether that happens, but because of who Ma is, a lot of people have an opinion, which they form before they get to know me or before they see what I can do.”

A terrible thought occurs to me. Theatre critics go on for so long in this country that there must be at least one who will review this new Pack of Lies having seen the original. (Sure enough, I later find The Guardian’s Michael Billington reviewed it in 1983 and singled out for praise Dench’s “totally unpatronising portrayal” of Barbara. As she tended to, she later won an Olivier for it.)

“Oh, don’t worry,” Williams says. “I’ve had that thought about a month ago. I’d put about £100 on the fact that it’s going to be mentioned at least once. There’s no escaping that. There is no escaping the fact that people are going to go, ‘Well, she’s not as good as her mum was,’ but do you know what? I’d really like people to come and see it with an open mind.

“If it was Grand National day, she [Dench] is up and leaping Becher’s Brook and I’m in the novice race at the beginning, and you think about all the hundreds of actors between me and her. She is jaw-dropping, but I also happen to think that Helen McCrory is jaw-droppingly brilliant. I happen to think Ruth Wilson is jaw-droppingly brilliant. Zoë Wanamaker. I don’t aspire to be any of those people. I’m me, and I’ve got the cards that I’ve been dealt.”

Her hand is undoubtedly a tricky one, not because she is not close to her mother, but more likely because she is, very. In her twenties she lived with her parents in London, notoriously burning down their house one night having fallen asleep next to a lighted candle. “Just a shit thing that happened,” she says, unhappily. In her thirties she lived with Dench, who was by then widowed, in Surrey, and although she has long since moved out, she talks to me of the “production” that Christmas Day always is for the family in her mother’s home.

She had not intended to follow her parents’ vocation. As a girl she aspired to be a dancer, but did not grow into the kind of willow that was prized. Instead she successfully auditioned for a children’s TV show and, while continuing with her A levels, went into a play with McCrory. At the Central School of Speech and Drama she tellingly studied musical theatre, a genre that her mother was not known for. Her final college show was A Little Night Music. A year later, wouldn’t you know it, Dench won an Olivier for the musical at the National.

That was in 1996. The next year Williams, then 25, became a single parent (the father’s name has never been made public). Neither Dench nor her husband discovered she was pregnant until a few weeks before Finty gave birth. Dench’s director at the National Theatre, Richard Eyre, later said that Dench was “massively wounded” by not being told — although it is likely that it was Michael Williams, a traditional Catholic, whom Finty had feared telling more. In the end, naturally, Williams Sr came round. “Who couldn’t be pleased with Sammy in your midst,” she says. He is now 21 and travelling. “He’s an excellent chap.”

Since Pack of Lies is about secrets, I wonder what her take on that period of secrecy is. “Oh, man! No, it is not helpful. It was something that happened to me when I was really young,” she says, adding that she should be allowed to move on from her mistakes. “Bringing it up brings back those old feelings. ‘Oh yes, I remember how that feels: it makes you feel pretty shit.’ ”

After her father died of lung cancer in 2001, Williams hit some terrible times, but pulled herself out from under them four years later when she entered a clinic for her alcoholism. She has not drunk since. “It was a whole mixture of things . . .” she begins and peters out. Her head sinks almost until it hits the table. “I suppose a lot of it was I didn’t feel pretty enough, or talented enough, or funny enough, or interesting enough. I always felt the most interesting things about me were things that weren’t about me.”

But possibly to do with her parents? “Yes. And not many — and I really do stress not many — but there are a few people I have met in my life who have reinforced that feeling. Maybe they were friends with me for reasons other than being friends with me.” This was all a long time ago, she says. She is now “incredibly happy”, “very well” and “very, very content”.

“It doesn’t mean I still don’t sometimes feel how I used to feel, but now, what do I do now? I watch reality television and I drink tea and I eat a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and I get on with it.”

She has done rather more than that. She has worked consistently as an actress, in films such as The Secret Rapture and Gosford Park, on television in Cranford and Born and Bred, and most frequently on stage, including with her mother in The Vote at the Donmar Warehouse in 2015. Performing at the Globe in Nell Leyshon’s Bedlam in 2010, she met the actor Joseph Timms and they have been together ever since. With Timms, she says. she “won the lottery”.

“Genuinely, I am so content. Funnily enough, about two months ago somebody sent me a thing on Facebook and it said, ‘Wanted, person 40 years plus, to go out to a Greek island to look after 55 cats for seven months. Accommodation supplied. You will be paid per month. Please apply.’ And do you know what? There was a part of me that thought, ‘Yeah, I could do that.’

“We’re all puppies at the end of the day. We’re all puppies who do a job and go, ‘Please like us! Please like us!’ I needed that at one point in my life. Actually, I’ve got to a stage where I could go and look after 55 cats on a Greek island and I would be just as happy.”

I really hope she doesn’t because while she may not be the marvellous Dame Judi, plenty regard her as the marvellous Finty Williams. This is not flattery. After we part, on good terms I think, I contact three directors who have worked with her.

The first to reply is Michael Attenborough, who as Richard’s son knows something about families that cast shadows. Directing her in JB Priestley’s Dangerous Corner four years ago, he discovered, he says, a “Rolls-Royce”. He speaks of her “effortless sensuality”, her “sense of humour” and her “energy within”. “If I was putting a company together I would have Finty in it any day.”

Roy Marsden, best known as Adam Dalgliesh in the ITV PD James adaptations, directed her in Noël Coward’s Volcano in the West End in 2012. He extols a “delicate, beautiful talent” with whom it was “a delight” to rehearse. “Her facility as an actor is enormous, but her own self-doubt, I know, frightens her. Yet as soon as she walks on to the stage from the wings it all disappears and you go, ‘Wow!’ ”

Finally, the actress Eve Best, who directed her as Lady Macduff in Macbeth at the Globe in 2013, comes back to me. “Finty,” she says, “has that rare mix of heart-shattering vulnerability and a sort of flinty toughness that says, ‘Don’t f*** with me.’ Utterly brave, utterly generous, ready to put her heart on the line.”

Attenborough says one other thing. In rehearsal Williams, he says, “gives everything”. He is not at all surprised that I should find her somewhat spent by 4.30 in the afternoon. “She gives her all.” She has given me her all too. Next time we meet, let’s settle for a lunchtime sandwich. Pack of Lies is at the Menier Chocolate Factory, London SE1, to November 17

picture credits

1) Finty Williams and her mother, Judi Dench (DAVE M. BENETT/GETTY IMAGES)

2) CHRIS MCANDREW FOR THE TIMES

3) Jasper Britton, Chris Larkin, Macy Nyman and Williams in Pack of Lies

4) Williams in 2000 with Michael, her father, and DenchMICHAEL CRABTREE/PA

#judi dench #finty williams #pack of lies #1888 #28sep2018

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sammykiszkamyass · 3 years ago

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HE LISTENED TO ME

#Sammy nation is eating good today #I physically cannot do this today #he looks so good #wanna kiss his stupid face #sam kiszka #greta van fleet

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the-record-columns · 5 years ago

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Jan. 22, 2020: Columns

Jerry Lankford writes his obituary every day...

Ellen Lankford at age 16

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

Note: The following column is taken from remarks made by Ken Welborn at memorial services this past Saturday for the late Ellen Kay Lankford, sister of The Record's Jerry Lankford.

Good afternoon folks, my name is Ken Welborn and I work for The Record, a newspaper in North Wilkesboro.

I am sad—yet honored to be here today to speak with you about Ellen Lankford, who died very unexpectedly this past Monday morning at the young age of 57. Speaking at a service like this is privilege I do not take for granted, and today is no exception, but for some reason, this one feels different. I will just do the best I can, speaking from my heart.

As I mentioned a moment ago, I work for The Record in North Wilkesboro where I have had the pleasure of working with Jerry Lankford, The Record's editor, for over 20 years. We spend more time together than most married couples do. I personally value loyalty above all else, and in working with Jerry through these years, I have come know and trust him like very few people in my life—and thanks to him I have had the opportunity of getting to briefly know his relatives. I never met his brother Gary, who died as a young boy. Sadly, however, in our years of working together, I have watched him lose his entire immediate family; first his mother Willa Mae, then his brother Mike, and now Ellen, his sister and last sibling. This is the third funeral he has honored me by allowing me to speak.

Jerry Lankford is sad today, I can only imagine how sad he must be, but he sits on that church pew down front today with a clear conscience, because he knows he has spent his entire life caring about—and taking care of—his family. And a clear conscience is a soft pillow.

I do not profess to have gotten to know Ellen Lankford nearly as well as many here today. Most of what I know about Ellen came from conversations with Jerry. He was proud of her—how smart she was, how well she did in school, earning a master's degree in Biology from Appalachian State University and continuing her education further at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. She made a career as a laboratory scientist at various institutions in Guilford County where she spent most of her adult life.

He also spoke of Ellen with great respect and pride for her willingness to be such a loving aunt to his daughters, and, when Ellen, Mike, and Jerry's mother, Willa Mae, died in 2009, Ellen seamlessly transitioned to a grandmother figure to those girls. She took on the same role for Jerry's grandsons, Sammie and Charlie, years later.

When Jerry's own health issues prompted his moving in to live with Ellen at her apartment in the Mulberry Community, he will tell you that her medical background, her “Mother Hen” nagging, and her “Fear of God” proclamations, helped get him on the straight and narrow, and has made a substantial difference on his own road to better health.

Again, I cannot profess to knowing everything about Ellen Lankford, but, some months ago, circumstances worked out in such a manner that I was able to do a favor for her regarding some things she had left stored for some time in Guilford County. It really wasn't that big of a favor as far as I was concerned, but Jerry said Ellen was truly grateful and wanted to do something for me. Of course I told him no, that nothing was expected, but she persisted. Then one morning at work Jerry told me that Ellen had decided she wanted to take me to lunch—and wasn't going to take no for an answer. When I said no again, he told me I was going to hurt her feelings and would I please meet with her for lunch, as she really wanted to say a special thank you to me.

Well, the lunch went fine, and it turned out I was really glad I went. Ellen Lankford spent practically all of the entire hour and a half we were there talking about one person—her baby brother, Jerry. She spoke of his love and kindness for her and of how he had taken such wonderful care of their mother, and everyone else in their family. She told stories about growing up with Jerry, about the warm feeling of security he gave her just knowing that he was always going to be there for her. As she continued to speak, it was with tears in her eyes—tears of love—tears comfortably shed in front of what amounted to a perfect stranger—because Jerry meant that much to her. I told her what I could in the way of “Amens” to what she was saying, reminding her that I trusted Jerry with anything I had, and of the countless times he has covered my rear end so to speak, and how I knew he would always keep my confidence. Ellen and me had a Jerry Lankford love fest, and I was a proud participant.

After that lunch I felt as though I knew Ellen a lot better, and felt better about her.

We would have an occasional visit if I answered the telephone when she would call to speak with Jerry. I always noticed the little lift in her voice as she would ask “...has my baby brother has made it down there yet?” It is totally appropriate that when Ellen was in distress this Monday past, Jerry immediately stopped his work and went to her side. He talked with her, he comforted her, he told her—and once again showed her—that he loved her.

And he held her hand as she died. She was not alone in her hour of greatest need. Jerry saw to that, as he always saw to everything.

I hope you folks are following what I am getting at.

I noted earlier that this funeral felt different to me, and it still does. While we are here today to honor the life and memory of Ellen Lankford, I would also like to note the obvious, that funerals are for the living as well.

As I noted earlier, this is the third Lankford funeral at which I have spoken—I do not want to do a fourth. Jerry Lankford should be there to conduct my funeral. To that end, I would ask, as an appropriate way to honor the life and memory of Ellen, that this family continue to take Jerry into their arms. Hold him close and give him the love, the kindness, and the respect he deserves—simply put, that which he gives every one of you, every day of his life. He needs it. He appreciates it. And I know in my heart that Ellen would certainly approve.

Thank you.

Terror and Murder for political gain

By AMBASSADOR EARL COX and KATHLEEN COX

Special to The Record

The United Nations designated Monday, Jan. 27, as International Holocaust Remembrance Day.

This day also marks the 75th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz-Birkenau; two World War II Nazi extermination camps located in Poland where millions of Jews and others suffered and lost their lives.

Next week more than 40 world leaders will gather in Jerusalem to participate in special events and ceremonies called ‘Remembering the Holocaust: Fighting Antisemitism.’ Why? Because humanity is obligated to make certain that ‘never again’ will there be another Holocaust.

Recently it was revealed that an official Palestinian newspaper published an article calling for murder on Holocaust Remembrance Day in Jerusalem. Their goal is to disrupt, and perhaps even cancel, the ceremonies. We’ve heard nothing of this from mainstream U.S. news outlets but that’s because what Arab leaders say to their people in Arabic is very different from what they say to the English speaking world.

Contained in the article is the statement, “One shot will disrupt the ceremony and one dead body will cancel it.” The implicit message is that one of the 40 world leaders slated to be in attendance will be a target. This is unacceptable.

The Palestinians are deeply opposed to the Holocaust Remembrance ceremony taking place for several reasons. First of all, most Palestinians have been taught that the Holocaust never really happened. In fact, the president of the Palestinian Authority, Mahmoud Abbas, promotes and perpetuates the lie that the Holocaust is a myth. Secondly, the Palestinians believe that Jerusalem, both East and West Jerusalem, belongs fully to them and that it is a place where Jews do not belong. In plain language, Palestinian leaders are promoting murder to further their political agenda.

The international community must reject the Palestinian Authority for promoting terror and murder. They must not be given a free pass. Terror and murder cannot be used, or threatened to be used, in order to achieve political goals. These are the people with whom the world wants Israel to make peace. It’s outrageous.

Miles and Miles of Hotdogs from an Igloo

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

How do you eat a mile-long hot dog?

One foot at a time or at least that’s how Linda Green approaches the process.

Linda Green stopped in at the Igloo shop in Millers Creek to pick up her order. Linda likes her hotdog all the way which includes a split grilled hotdog on a toasted bun with mustard, chili, onions, and slaw. Linda is a loyal customer who has been getting her hot dog, and ice cream fix at the Igloo for the past 40 years.

When I ask her how many she had ordered over the years, it seemed to work out to average two or three for most weeks. With a mile having 5,280 feet it has taken 40 years, but Linda is close to either side of a mile of delicious hot dog bliss.

Matt Maston was also in line, he has been placing his Igloo order for more than 30 years, he’s another fan of the all the way dog, and he is well on the way to his membership in the Hotdog Mile Club. Matt recalled attending Millers Creek Elementary School across the highway from the Igloo and making regular trips.

Nowadays the menu offers up a variety of other options, however the hot dog rules supreme at the Igloo. The business opened in 1976, and was owned and operated by Chancie and Ruth Ashley, who were chicken farmers. The chicken business was changing, and the couple wanted to look at other income sources.

The building was a mail-order novelty concept. When the Igloo opened for business, the people in the surrounding area enjoyed visiting for ice cream. After two years the hotdogs were added to the menu, and over time the chili and slaw were perfected and become a favorite for loyal customers.

Kay Call is the daughter of Chancie and Ruth Ashley, and is now the owner. She recalled the opening days, when for the first two years, ice-cream was the only offering. Hotdogs were the first non-ice-cream food added; the boiled hotdogs were a favorite, however when the grill was added customers loved the extra flavor profile of grilling the dog to finish it off. The chili was, and still is, made from scratch with a slight sweetness and a nice texture. The slaw is made fresh and not complicated.

Cindy Dillard has been employed at the Igloo for 28 years and was working the grill during my visit. Cindy moved around the kitchen and filled order after order with the greatest of ease.

Debbie Whitley has been employed for a few years and said she enjoys being part of the seven-to-eight-person team that keeps the food flowing.

Cindy said the chili and slaw are so well-liked that a lot of the regulars order their dogs sloppy, which is double the amount of an already generous portion. “It’s sloppy alright, and it’s good,” she said.

I do not doubt that there are many unofficial members of the hot dog mile club. It’s easy to lose track over the years, but one thing is for sure. The modest hot dog has a way of bringing people together and producing a lot of smiles.

Kay has done an excellent job of giving the hot dog its place of honor and respect. She has also preserved a piece of our Americana landscape.

Most of the Igloo buildings have been taken down. However, the one in the Millers Creek Community is standing and is home to a revolving door leading to miles and miles of tasty hot dogs.

You will need a napkin!

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clubpenguinkiller · 7 years ago

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all my copypastas up to date

Copypastas You don’t have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off. And while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the baby’s soft cartilage head into something a little more modern. It might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but let’s see where the dog is going with this. somebody once trolled me, successfully rickroll’d me im not the sharpest n00b in the thread… just took another one of my signature “dust baths” it’s like a regular bath only i roll around in a bunch of dust and sand and start screaming when it gets in my mouth and eyes. anyway don’t trust the government Oh, purple-moustached clever Waluigi. Thou art such a genius when it is thy time to attack Mario and Luigi! How thou attach springs to thy shoes, know I not! Why dost thou not have thy own video fame? Art thou enraged that thou dost not have one? Why dost thou fight the Mario brothers? Thou art negative and wicked when shooting fireballs at thy green plumber, thy foe! Why art thou always cranky? Art thy purple knickers in a knot? Perchance Alvin Earthworm annoyed thou with his Youtube video. Why art thou so tall and slim? Perchance a Power Flower fell in you mouth when thou wast a baby. Why dost thou wear a purple suit? I like thy violet outfit for its unique hue. Shouldst thy brother Wario and thou fight so repeatedly? Is Bowser the Dragon-turtle you fiendish companion? I dost wonder what it wouldst be like to be friends with Bowser and thou. Dost thou own the Vicious Petey Piranha Flower? Dost thou like the kind Princess Peach? If thou couldst own a Yoshi wouldst thou? Thou art so sly and crafty our slippery Waluigi. Dost thou fight Geno the Explorer dangerously? Why art thou not in Super Smash Bros Brawl? Perchance thou art sad for being excluded from that rough game. Why art thou so nimble when thou escape the police? Thy symbol is an upside down L. Oh, thou art sneaky, secretive and tricky, mine own Waluigi! Ohhh my god. Ohhh ,y god. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE IT IS THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. OH MY GOD. EAYEAYEYAYEAHEYAHEY EYAEAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAS. I FOOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. YEAH. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I FOUNDI IT FINALLY!!!!! YEAH!!!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND IT. OH MY GODO. HOH MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. TAKE A LOOK AT HTIS EVERBODY. A LIVE SHINY PONYTA IN MY LEAF GREEN VERSION. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I FINALLY GOT IT. OH MY GOD my heart is beating 100 miles per hour. i was listening to my favorite band once again. Sum 41. No Reason. Live in Ontario 2005. after 25968 encounters I HAVE FINALLY GOT IT OH My god corre al gol, lo va a patear yyyy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!!!……QUE GOLAZOOOOO!!!! *churns butter very quickly I hope my last words are "see you in hell" spoken to my grandchildren at age 99 right before I cut out my tongue and live another 401 years 私は究極のミームだ I love everything about you Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum. stuffing your face as usual. I gotta have a good meal Garfield, you fat cat. You are so big and fat. Why are you so fat? I eat, Jon. it’s what I do it’s time to kick odie of the table dont do it garfielf, that’s our pet dog odie you’re going into orbit, you stupid mutt GAAAAARRRFIIIELD!!! time for a nap. I’m a cat who loves to snooze (echoing) garfield you lazy cat I hate alram clocks I’m am hungry I want some lasaga you’re eating us out of house and home, GARMFIELD enough with The Chit Chat let’s get some grub going GRUB TIME… where Are the 3-cheese pizzas I ate those food where Are the tacos shells ? I ate those food where did all the hamburger helper go *brup* You’re such a bad kitty that’s it I’ve had it with you that does it I’m done that’s the last straw grarfileld Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow [Chorus:] Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older But the media men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. [Chorus 2x] Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow. [Chorus] And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uU_eaXsPxOY "You'll never stop me!" I shout, running away. My body transforms into a small bee, and as I fly off, I turn around and shout, "You can't stop me! No one can stop me!!" I hit a glass door and fall to the floor. As I lay there, withering in pain as my small bee body dies a slow death, I whisper, "But I never said nothing could stop me." My body looses all movement as my lifeless corpse lays on the cold floor. A single tear runs down your cheek as you whisper, "Godspeed, honey man." HAPPY fourth of July! Hello! My name is Jeremy Frederick Wilson, but you can just call me… Bombittyboo! I know, yet again, I have not been dedicating, enough time to my vlog. However, today, I’ve created a new interpretive dance and poem routine! I hope this is the climax, the outcome, of all my creative juices, since my last interpretive dancing vide which was from over a year ago. Well anyway, this poem is in the format of an english sonet. I hope you really like it, and I hope you like it as much as me. Again, HAPPY fourth of July! I hope you all celebrate it carefully, and wisely! Well, here goes nothing! I hope you enjoy it! Oh so, so many years before today, our founding fathers with their many signatures, sculpted the greatest nation, as some say, one that too this day, still grows, and matures. This, our home. This, our country that we love. That we still celebrate, July fourth. The men who made us completely free of… British tyranny. Which reined south and north. Free from this! We join together in bliss. To honor all those, who came before us. But we do not just sit and reminisce. We look to the future, as we discuss. The bright prospects of our nation so dear. Which much proceed with strength, and lacking fear. Hey guys its Sam hi here with more tips for your everyday life, helping you out, bringing you wisdom. Hey im 27 I’ve been there I’ve done that I’ve been around the block. This next tip has to do with relationships. Love, romance, whatever you wanna call it. I’m gonna give you a surefire way to get her, your special someone, wrapped around your little finger. I mean they’re gonna be just.. Ooohh thinking about you all day. Here’s how you do it. You have to awaken the motherly instinct. You have to get your sweetie, your sweetie pie, to awaken her biological, uh, genetic motherly instinct. and it’s very easy to do. I’m gonna show you how to do it. Kay? You ready? Here we go. (gets on hands and knees) Mommy! Mommy! (smacking lips)Baby Sammy want milk! (slurping) Gimme milky! Mommy! Mooommy! Mommy mommy!! Mom! Mommy! Mommy Sammy want milk! (slurping) Baby Sammy hungry! Baby Sammy Hungry!! I want milk!! WAAAAAAH!! Gimme milky! Gimme milky! Gimme milk! Wah wah wah!! Baby want milky! Here comes the baby! Baby Sammy hungry! (crawling) Baby Sammy want milky! (approaching) Gimme milky!! Gimmy milk! Here I come! I want milk!! GIMME TIT MILK! GIMME TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK NOW! GIMME THE TIT MILK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯ I came here to have a good time but I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. It’s a metaphor, see? You crave that mineral, but you don’t give it the power to have an extra hour with the ball pit. Oh sad frog, if only there was someone out there who loved you, but my anaconda don’t noot noot unless you talk dirty to me and make me squart across the room. Even if the girl kissed the boy, your fave is problematic – John Green is the zodiac killer, Luigi is giving the death stare, and it’s actually blood orange. Free him! Not all starter kits are for stealing her look, but sometimes you have to eat Lay’s chips during peach time and submerge unnecessary color palettes in bluespace, covering them in text posts for the aesthetic. I told my bae to come over because my parents aren’t home, but girls don’t like boys, they like the selfie olympics. the way they just [clenches fist] olympic all those selfies. According to the science side, “The average skeleton fights in war for 31 days” very factoid, much statistical error. The average skeleton fights in war for 0 days. Skeleton Georg, who uses tumblr pro, wears a fedora, and has fought in the skeleton war for all eternity, is an outlier and should not have been counted. You’ll never see the last meme of 2014 the way Garcia Lopez de Cardenas saw it, but that’s none of my business. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall. [Muffled Flappy Bird Music Plays in the Distance] neopets is honestly a horrifying and disturbing look into the faults of late capitalism and the unfettered exploitation inevitable in unregulated economic systems like first you have the ridiculous inflation rate caused by the ease of which you can generate new neopoints. it’s like the post-WWI germany thing—if you keep printing money, it loses its value. similarly, as people play games, play habitarium, use the stock market, (basically any way of earning neopoints that doesn’t involve rsing from the NPC shops) they’re not actually exchanging currency cyclically like economies rely on—they’re just making it out of thin air. 10,000 neopoints today was 1,000 neopoints a few years ago. even avatar items that have been around for a while have soared from 300k to 3 mil. inflation is further worsened by a few things. one is that there are very few neopoint sinks (only notable examples are the main shops, wishing well, paid dailies, and slots) and only ONE that works even remotely efficiently. they had the save the wheels neopoint sink a few years ago to try to combat the problem, which only fucked things up worse. in order to incite people to sink their neopoints, they offered prizes to people who donated a lot. but the prizes themselves, both during the event and after, just encouraged people to generate more neopoints to donate and get prizes. it’s also awful because kids don’t play neopets anymore. in a capitalist system there’s always relative poverty, but the poor are disappearing. do you want to play a game where anything worth doing costs more than you could ever dream of earning? how is an 8 year old going to learn how to restock draik eggs? poverty in neopia is earning, like, 33k a day, and richness is incomprehensibly huge. we’re talking billions, trillions. wealth disparity is huge with no regulatory system helping out the lowest tier, and the rich get richer with bigger interest, bigger stocks, and more wiggle room with auction sniping the supply/demand is so integral to everything you do, buy, or take part in. you have things like codestones that generally stay constant (in the 3-7k range, with some inflating 20-40% around war time when people are training more because hello demand!) and things like junk items that you think could NEVER inflate because the supply is so high suddenly inflating 1,000,000% or more in a day due to a site event. and the staff actually have NO IDEA how to fix it. save the wheels? fucked up. portal plot? hilarious. there are rules against hoarding items just to raise the price, but how do you control that? bread costs less than rotten tomato salads. if you earn 16k a day (about average if you’re casual) it would take you 59 years to save up for a dark faerie wand. hell will eventually be sucked into the vortex of neopets.com and we will all despair and i will be richer than all of you In ancient Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a highly accomplished Cypriot sculptor. Though skilled at imitating the human form, and well acquainted with it's subtleties, he became disgusted by it when he witnessed the Propoetides prostituting themselves. These women were punished by Venus for their lack of worship with a coarseness of skin and a crudeness of nature, and were then forced into prostitution. Seeing this, Pygmalion the sculptor was repelled and could no longer appreciate women. Seemingly alone, Pygmalion sought to create for himself a perfect, pure, unsullied companion. He used his particular skills to this end: he created a statue bride. What you are about to watch is a mysterious video. It's origin is attributed variously, and almost certainly spuriously, to various abstract artists or surrealists. The truth is that what we are seeing, and what we perceive to be strange and disturbing, is actually beauty to it's creator. Perhaps what we are viewing is the work of a modern Pygmalion. To him, her toneless voice, the paleness of her skin and the comparative vibrancy of her lips may indeed be the very embodiment of a perfect woman... Consider the mind-scape of the creator. In whose mind does this appear beautiful? In whose mind is this pure, near worshipful? Are we missing out on his perspective? Who are we to be afraid or to judge them? He may well love her fully, perhaps more fully than any of us could ever hope to be loved. In the mind of her creator, she is a near goddess; the perfect representation, not just of femininity, but the peak of human potential. A perfectly satisfactory being. How does that kind of unconditional love feel? Well, how does she feel? Fantastic. The "Swing Daddy" of the piano, Artie Antlers was one of the early cabaret characters at Pizza Time Theatre. Artie sang with a deep soulful voice, and his style of music ranged from boogie-woogie, to swing, to early Rock and Roll. He often referred to himself as "moose-ical" and also played up the moose theme by making quotes such as "this Moose is loose". Artie was used in the early 1980s, and was the final culmination of the characters of Elkton John and Glen Camel who were mentioned in the original 1977 PTT Program but never put into production. He was originally announced in 19793, and debuted during the first half of 1980. He originally appeared at three of the earliest Pizza Time Theatre locaions - San Jose (Kooser), Concord, and Sacramento, replacing Dolli Dimples in the Cabaret (then known as the Piano Bar Lounge). Artie Antlers was voiced by Jim Cunningham, a jazz artist whose band "The High Time Octet" had been written up in national papers. Jim was hired by the ad agency of Foote, Cone & Belding and flown from Denton, TX to do the recording at Wally Heider Studios in San Francisco. The piano player on the tracks was a man who played for the Pointer Sisters, and the entire recording session happpened over the course of only four days. Artie dressed in a flashy blue tux, and originally had a black nose which was later removed. Mechanically, Artie was identical to Dolli Dimples (minus the breast movement) – the duo can be seen together at the factory here. Shortly after his introduction, Artie required a retrofit for his antlers which were originally made of wood and broke easily. A styrofoam version was created that was more durable and did not break from the characters movements. During the very early 1980s, Artie was used widely on PTT merchandise, appearing in print on items such as calendars and annual reports. He was also featured on items such as the “Chuck E. Cheese Cube” and other redemption items. Despite his prominent exposure and usage, Artie was never given a second showtape - in 1982 when Dolli Dimples was renewed for a second tape, a new character was introduced named B.B. Bubbles instead of new material for Artie. Aspects of Artie Antlers were used in ideas for new retrofits, such as a Davy Crockett style retrofit for Artie, and a lumberjack character retrofit for The King, however neither materialized past the concept art stage. sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won. i’m a jaded teenage girl👸. i’ve been through shit💩that you wouldn’t even dream☁️🌜 of. you think💭 your life is hard?😁😣👿 try asking💬❓ the cutest😙😻 guy👱in your grade👦👱👧👩👸👲 out in the middle of the cafeteria🍔🍟🍕 only to find out😨 he has a fucking girlfriend👫💏💔. you don’t👎 know my life or my story📖📚 so keep my name👸 out of your nasty mouth👅💩. life is a battlefield💣🔫🔪 and it looks👀 like i’ve already won👌 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Now once again, I would like to make this very clear. I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Thank you for your attention and I hope for your support. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanamura! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s a cook. He’s a cooooook. He’s a cook, cook, cook. Hanamura! Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Teru. Teru. Teruteru! Teru. Teru. He’s the cook. He’s the cook at the Super High School Level. Cook! Cook! He’s a cook. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! It’s Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! High School Level Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! He’s kinda plump, plump and round. Flirts with everyone. (guys and girls) (guys and girls) (guys and girls) He flirts with them all. Flirts with them all. And he loves his mom! Mom! Mom, happy mommy’s day. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s Super High School Level Cook! He’s the cook at Dangan Ronpa! Super Dangan Ronpa 2! Goodbye, goodbye, despair academy! Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye to despair! Des-des-despair academy! Academy on a tropical island. On a tropical island. Trop-trop-tropical island of hope and despair! Hope and despair, it’s Teruteru Hanamura. Hanamura. The cook at Super High School Level! Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. At the highschool, at the highschool, super highschool, super highschool. Super Dangan Ronpa 2! 2! 2! 2! 2! It’s Teruteru Hanamura! Hanamura, he’s a cook. He’s a chef. He’s a cook who calls himself a chef. Chef, at the Super Highschool Level. Level! Level! Level! It’s Teruteru, Teruteru, Hanamuru. Teratera Hanamuru. He’s the cook, the cook, at the Super Highschool, Super Highschool, Super Highschool. I'M WITH STUPID (TRANSCRIPT) SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick's houses are seen. Patrick's house is shaking. SpongeBob knocks on it. Every time he does it closes. He opens it himself. Patrick is cleaning frantically. He featherdusts SpongeBob] Patrick: NEED...FURNITURE! [makes a lamp post model out of the sand; he then makes a sand drawer, television, stool, and a couch. The whole time he is still frantically mumbling] SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? [Patrick barks like a dog and continues to clean]Hey, Patrick! Patrick: Oooooooh, sweep sweep!! SpongeBob: Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing. But I can see you're busy having an episode. Patrick: [Stops cleaning. his face turns mad] You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [imitates SpongeBob] "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do! Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate!!!" SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate. Patrick: [Patrick snaps out of being angry and starts crying] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob. You gotta to help me! SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel. Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob; it's worse. SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel. Well, what is it, then? Patrick: Look! [Takes out a rolled-up piece of paper from his belly button] SpongeBob: Hey, a note! [A sixteenth note is shown] Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over, there's a letter! [The letter B is shown] SpongeBob: You're right! Patrick: And, I got this message from my parents! [Hands out a smaller letter] SpongeBob: Your parents? [Reads the note out loud] "Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but don't try too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy". Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a sack of diapers. SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. Parents just like to push your buttons. Like this! [pushes Patrick's nipples and his eyes elongate]Nauuugh! Patrick: [Laughing] That always cheers me up. [His eyes go back to normal] But not today. SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is. Patrick: But don't they watch television? SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat! If your parents got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are! Patrick: But don't geniuses live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know any dumb people. SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick! I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever! Patrick: Math is power! [Bubble transition to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror] Patrick: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [Doorbell rings] Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...! Janet: Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty? Patrick: W, X, Y and Z! [Marty doesn't realize the door has been opened and knocks on Patrick's head] Hi Mom, Hi Dad. Marty: Son! You recognized us this time! Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents? Marty: You never were a bright one. [Patrick groans. Marty laughs] Well, aren't you gonna show us inside? Janet: He probably forgot where it is. Patrick: Well I know where it... Marty: Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost. [Patrick, Marty and Janet hold hands] Huh? Hold hands now! [Inside the house] Ok, we're almost there! Let go on three. One...two...three! [Marty and Janet let go of Patrick's hands on three] Janet: Good job! Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! [Both laugh as Patrick looks annoyed] Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. [Patrick leaves, then comes back with a tray with three drinks on it] Marty: Wow, son! You put the drinks in something this time! Ah, son, you must've been working all night to put these together for us. Janet and Marty: We love you! [Both kiss Patrick as he looks even more annoyed and groans] Patrick: [Doorbell rings] Hooray, the idiot's here! I mean, I'll get it! [Outside, SpongeBob is putting on his karate helmet] SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check. Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary! Gary: Meow? [Goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob: What could go wrong? [Patrick's rock opens] Patrick: What a surprise! SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Hi. Marty: Hello there! Janet: How do you do? SpongeBob: Hi. [Walks to Patrick's parents] Marty: Put 'er there. [SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand] Doll: Mama! Mama! Patrick: He means "shake". [SpongeBob shakes his entire body]No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands! [SpongeBob shakes both his hands]No, SpongeBob! Grab my dad's hand. [Puts both his hands and his left leg on Marty's hand] Grab it with only one hand! [Puts his left leg and hand down] Good boy! Now move your arm up and down! [He moves his shoulder up and down. Patrick giggles] Janet: So, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby? SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show them your house! [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and reveals a blouse]No, not your blouse! Your house! [SpongeBob screams and runs over to his house. He runs into the shell and gets stuck] Janet: He lives in a fruit? Marty: That's unhealthy. Patrick: [Giggling] Hey, SpongeBob! You wanna stay for dinner? [SpongeBob babbles like an idiot. Later, Patrick, Marty and Janet are watching television while eating TV dinners] Marty: Does he always do that after he eats? Patrick: Only on Wednesday. [Pan over to SpongeBob pushing his nose to reveal his underwear. When he lets go, his pants pull up by themselves. This is repeated a few times. SpongeBob makes an alarm sound after that. Patrick giggles] Marty: [Starts giggling with Patrick]Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken. Patrick: Yeah. And it would take more than some masking tape to fix that guy. [SpongeBob balances on his nose while making a fire truck siren sound. Makes other various sounds] Marty: Whoa! Is he gonna be okay? Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. [Dolphin chirping] You should see him in the morning prancing around yelling "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm rea!" [Rooster crows] He drives all the neighbors crazy! [Horn] Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was--- [SpongeBob jumps backwards over Patrick, Janet and Marty while making an elephant trumpet sound, then he crashes on the floor]. ---was really no help for him. [SpongeBob makes imprints of himself on the walls while making horn sounds] I mean, look at the way he's dressed. Only somebody with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff! And how about his shape! I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, but never box-chested! [Janet, Marty and Patrick laugh. SpongeBob frowns]Hey, SpongeBob do you have any mascara I could borrow? [Makes his eyebrows sound like elastic rubber bands] Marty: [Chuckles] The boy wears make-up? Janet: What a card! [Everyone laughs, except SpongeBob, who's now very annoyed] SpongeBob: [Confused] Hey, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick: Aw, he said my name. Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that? [SpongeBob is mad. He bites Patrick's finger] Patrick: Ow! He bit me! SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen! Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. [Janet and Marty laugh] A dumb one! [They laugh again, as SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen] So, what's on your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! [Patrick laughs very hard] See, that's funny. 'Cause your dumb! SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit? Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try dumbing them down a bit. SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb! [glances at Patrick's t-shirt, "I'M WITH THE DUMMY" with an arrow pointing towards SpongeBob] Patrick: That's just what I'd expect you to say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. [Patrick drools] SpongeBob: I'm only pretending to be dumb! It was our plan, remember! Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see how stupid you sound right now, with your talk of imaginary plans. Tell you what. You've caught me at a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go out there and act "smart" for everyone. SpongeBob: Ok, I will! [Takes off his helmet] Patrick: [Puts on helmet] And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya! SpongeBob: [In front of Janet and Marty, clears throat] I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I just acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk, and eat, and do laundry. I even separate the darks from the lights. So what do you say we start over and try again? Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. And I am not a dummy. Marty: [laughs] Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences. Oh, good work, son! Patrick: It wasn't easy, dad. SpongeBob: [sputtering] But... but, but, but, but, but, but... Janet: It looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man! SpongeBob: Now, listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See, here's a picture of it! [He shows them a small picture of his brain] Patrick: That must be actual size. [All laugh] SpongeBob: No! It's normal size and fully functional, watch. [Writes on Patrick's chalkboard] 2 plus 2 equals 4. Marty: Hoho, son! You taught him math too! SpongeBob:Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Marty: And you taught him to sing! [SpongeBob is blabbering and sputtering] Oh, now he's short-circuiting! You must have taught him a little too much. [SpongeBob imagines them all laughing hard. Marty and Janet look at each other and laugh; then they all do the can-can. He imagines the three popping out of SpongeBob's pores. SpongeBob is inside Janet, who is laughing, inside Marty, who is also laughing, inside Patrick, who is also laughing, inside his eye. SpongeBob screams and runs through the wall outside, running all the way back home] Marty: You know, son, I've always known that when it comes to brightness, well, you're about a three-watt. But this guy! He's a wet match in a dark cave. He makes phone operators seem smart! [clears his throat] But more importantly, son, he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become. [Hugs him] Ha! I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet? Janet: You bet, Marty! Patrick: [His eyes widen] Janet? Marty? Who are you people?! Janet: Marty! I'm scared! [Doorbell rings, then the rock opens up. Squidward, Herb and Margie are outside his rock] Squidward: Excuse me. Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying "Where's Patrick?" all day! It's driving me nuts! Patrick: Mom! Dad! Herb: Wow, son! You actually recognized us this time. Margie: And you remembered to get dressed today! [Patrick, Herb and Margie laugh] Marty: Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son. Janet: Oh yeah! [Both walk away. Patrick and his parents laugh as their rock closes over them] 👀👀👍👍👍👀👀 nice 👌👌stuff 👀👀👀 ✔️thats some ™™™ nice 👨🏻 stuff 👨🏻👨🏻 ® (cool ) 👌👌👌👌👌 niiiiiiiiiii👌ce 👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌 stuff that is some nice ✔️ass✔️stuff👀 ya got there ✔️ congrats 🎉 on the nice👍👍👍STUFF👍👍👌✔️👀✔️👀 👍👍 👀✔️™ nice 👌 shut the FUCK up 👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀 bull SHIT bülł sHit 👎 thats 🚫 some bull shit👎👎 right👎👎th 👎ere👎👎👎right🚫there 🚫🚫if i do say so my self❌ i say so❌ thats fucking horrible right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ fucking ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) UGHHHHH❌ 👎👎 👎B0ОଠＯOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👎👎👎 👎 ❌ 👎 👀 👀 👀 👎👎BAD SHIT DO IT, just DO IT! Don't let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just. DO IT! Make. your dreams. COME TRUE! Just... do it! Some people dream of success, while you're gonna wake up and work HARD at it! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you're not gonna stop there. NO! What are you waiting for? ... DO IT! Just... DO IT! Yes you can! Just do it! If you're tired of starting over, stop. giving. up. >le maymay arrow is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just *gets crack pipe out* smoke some of that good 420 shit :) *rips a bong* AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laughXXXXXX DDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDD XXXXX DDDDD DDDDDD LOOOOOOOLLLLL FUCKIN HOLY SHITTTT I CANT JUST STOP LAUGHING CAUSE HE HE HE HE HE JUST TO FUNNY MAN!!!1!11! GOOD MEME SORRY I MEAN GREAT MEME EPIC MEMEING /b/ro BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ZIMBABWE is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just gets crack pipe out smoke some of that good 420 shit :) rips a bong AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E I'm Squirting Pure Mio Water Flavoring Into My Mouth And Walking Around With Swiffer WetJets Taped To My Shoes I Don't Give A Fuck Damn About Society You Know What? I'm Going To Write A Song About How Bad I Want To Fight You, And Once It Makes A Lot Of Money, I'm Going To Buy A Plane Ticket And Come To Your House And I'm Going To Break All Of Your Electronic Devices, You God Damn Pincushion. Okay, first of all, FUCK your fandom and FUCK your bullshit fandom politics. I know you’re not going to like this but I don’t care and before you start thinking about flaming me my ask box has anonymous off so you’re going to listen to what I have to say. Monica would be a firebender, I think that’s one thing we all agree on. Now is where you’re going to hate me. Phoebe and Joey would both be airbenders. Now before you start flipping a shit let me just say this: go fuck yourself. Ross would be an earthbender and Rachel would be a waterbender. I KNOW THIS INTERFERES WITH THE SHIP. I DON’T CARE, FUCK YOUR SHIP AND FUCK YOU. And Chandler? Chandler would be a nonbender. I know it hurts but it’s true. I have watched every episode of the show and all of his actions lead me to believe the creators envisioned him as a nonbender from the start. Disagree? FUCK YOU. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and waffles, Getting salt from gamer boys in my inbox. Listen up turd turrets, I WANTED to just play video games, I WANTED to just have fun, I NEVER wanted my gaming to be political or a struggle, I just wanted to play. But you wouldn’t fucking let me, you brought up my gender, you judged me based on it, YOU made it political. So now I WILL wreck everything with my fucking feminism, I am the feminist nightmare you fucking created. Witness me. you guys we gotta hurry i just got back from walmart theyre selling nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale plus every time you buy one you get a $50 gift card brings the total price down to $110 after tax NOW LISTEN we can flip those sons of bitches for 230 bucks a piece EASY they’re all limited edition zelda ones! HURRY hurry come with me! We can be rich and also i’ll get to keep one and we can play NINTENDO GAMES nintendo give me free stuff 14 years ago ⬅️📅today⬇️, the episode 📺✨”Band Geeks”✨📯🏉🇺🇸🎸🎷🎺🎤 of spongebob🌕▫️🐙🐚🐳 👔👖🍔🍟 squarepants came out😱📡. Our hero spongebob 🌕👔◽️👖 and his squad 🐙🐞🐚🐠🐟🐬🐳🍁 valiantly turnt up 🎉💥🔥💃 the bikini bottom bubble bowl 👙💘💭🍜🏉. Send 📲 this to 1⃣4⃣ other band geeks 👓👔. if u get 5⃣ back⬅️😄, it’s sweet 🍦🍩 sweet 🎂🍪 sweet 🍫🍭 victory 🎉🎊🎆 . If u get 0⃣😩 you are a #squilliam 🐙💢👎😰 Bring Tooth Ghost Pipe Hell Tooth Man To School With You. You Have No Other Choice. Bring Him. Feed Him Lies. He Will Crush The Nonbelievers. Listen To His Voice, Do You Hear His Song, O? Does He Cry? No. He Is Laughing. He Is Only Laughing. His Voice Is Fire. His Laugh Is Thunder. His Existence Is Forever. Fear Him. Love Him. He Is In Us all. Believe. Believe. Believe My OCHIN is gigantic, O.T.N is it's abbreviation It is mainly handled with things such as △○□× it serves combined use for men and woman Recently, a portable style that disassembles became possible All kinds of OCHIN have come into circulation Remove the portable-type OCHIN, so there aren't a lot of lost cases I advise you keep the lock nice and tight Furthermore, be careful because OCHIN as a so-called sex symbol is completely different Again, the above text is completely appropriate I actually met Guy Fieri at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Guy Fieri shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Guy was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Guy Fieri and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents. Our MURDERCUBE, who art intangible, hollow-pointed be your name. Thy kingdom come, Thine will be Gun, on earth, as it is in /k/ Give us this day our daily Nugget, and forgive us our 9mm vs .45 threads, as we also have forgiven our Nogunz brethren. And lead us not into Taurus, but deliver us from Kimber. For thine is the ‘PING!’-gun, The Mauser, and the Glory Forever, and ever Amen Ave Nex Alea; War is the way of Man; Man is the means of war; the Murder/k/ube allows us war; our worship is our readiness. Saluto Nex Alea. You know who/what is “on fleek?” Jesus. My Savior. My Love. My Ultimate Hero. Jesus is on fleek. The Catholic Church is on fleek. It is on point. It points us to our True North – Heaven – Jesus. Our Blessed Mother is on fleek. She is on point. Her ultimate job is to bring us to her Son – Our Savior – Our Love – Our Ultimate Hero. Thinking of the slang, “on fleek,” I started to think about as a working Catholic wife and mom, what things are on fleek in my life. I came up with a top 5: 1. Father. Son. Holy Spirit. They are on fleek. 2. My Family. So extremely grateful to be the wife and mom in my family. Straight up on point. 3. My job. Even with some of the difficulties I have balancing it with being a momma, I am extremely GRATEFUL to the Lord that He has entrusted me with this responsibility. Definitely leading to my holiness – so, yes, on fleek. 4. The faith community to which we belong. First, the Catholic faith in general – 2000 years old. So on fleek. Then, the particular parish we belong to – St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Brusly, Louisiana. It’s a small little Cajun town right outside of Baton Rouge. The people are real, filled with love, and completely community centered. On Fleek. 5. The Saints. Those who have gone before us, filled with the Holy Spirit, the faith, and an incredibly awesome love of Christ and His precepts. They are like my “on fleek” gang of intercessors! On point, on point, on point. Мы начинаем наше космическое путешествие в те времена, когда трава была зеленее и музыка прекраснее, когда еще не было плохой музыки, дабы вернуть давно утерянную формулу хорошей музыки. Рассекая пространство и время, мы слышим звуки божественной музыки, в которой каждая нота находится на своем месте. Кажется нечто подобное испытывают люди когда слушают альбомы Sigur Ros, некое блаженное чувтсво. Это состояние невозможно описать, трудно уловить и легко потерять, но удивительно, на всем протяжении нашего путешествия оно все усиливается и усиливается. В окне иллюминатора пролетают все самые значимые музыкальные и исторические вехи в истории. Важна уже не конечная точка прибытия, а само путешествие, потому что стремление - вот самое главное в нашей жизни, достигнув определенной точки нам обязательно захочется продолжить путешествие дальше. Честно говоря я уже не знаю где мы находимся, достигли мы того самого места? И где это место? Скорее всего мы улетели намного дальше, за пределы пространства времени. Неужели мы так и не нашли формулы? неужели все напрасно? Наше путешествие - вот та самая формула, точнее одна из ее композиций, собранная из обрывков воспоминаний. Вычислить ее невозможно, но нам крупно повезло и мы стали редкими счастливчиками которым открылась одна из идеальных музыкальных композиций. Сможем ли мы когда-нибудь повторить это путешествие… возможно не скоро, но когда-нибудь обязательно, а пока нужно вернуться на землю и передать человечеству данные собранные нашими датчиками. Мы не настолько умны чтобы из полученных данных вычислить формулу, но зато у нас появилась одна из композиций сгенерированных этой идеальной формулой. Так правильно, ведь если бы человечество обладало “ключем” ни к чему хорошему это не привело бы. My baby he don't talk sweet, He ain't got much to say But he loves me loves me loves me, I know that he loves me anyway And maybe he don't dress fine, But I don't really mind 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy My baby may not be rich, He's watchin' every dime But he loves me loves me loves me, We always have a real good time And maybe he sings off key, But that's alright by me, yeah 'Cause what he does he does so well, Makes me wanna yell Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Pull yourself together (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Whoa let's hear it for my boy (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's it for my man There lived a certain man in Russia long ago He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow Most people looked at him with terror and with fear But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear He could preach the bible like a preacher Full of ecstacy and fire But he also was the kind of teacher Women would desire RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on He ruled the Russian land and never mind the Czar But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar In all affairs of state he was the man to please But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze For the queen he was no wheeler dealer Though she'd heard the things he'd done She believed he was a holy healer Who would heal her son RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on [Spoken:] But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger for power became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder. "This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please" No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms Then one night some men of higher standing Set a trap, they're not to blame "Come to visit us" they kept demanding And he really came RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They put some poison into his wine RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine He drank it all and he said "I feel fine" RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They didn't quit, they wanted his head RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine And so they shot him till he was dead [Spoken:] Oh, those Russians... I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus. Don't u ever ever fucken send me any thing like this again. U r so ignored. U will be so sorry one day. But u don't even know it yet. That pride of yours u think u know everything but u know shit. Your have really pissed me off. One day u will say. Wow Mom was right but it will be to late for u then. Fucken no all. I will not help u with ur hair or anything else so done ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to throw u out off my property. You r the most disrespectful little bitch I know. Don't ever disrespect my 'Lord' to me again. U and Chris will be able to talk to each other in Hell. Hey nightcore-ers. This is Mod Angel. Recently I have gone through a complete change of lifestyle and want to be referred to Mod Priscilla Valkyrie the Fallen Angel. Anyways, I’ve decided that nightcore isn’t enough so I will also be posting breakcore and dubstep remixes that sound nightcorey Yep. This right here is probably one of the best things I've ever heard. Honestly, it is. Every song i listen to now in my waking moments is nightcore remixes, full albums especially but its hard to find mixes for them all so sometimes i speed things up myself, I admit, because I just really like it so much better when its sped up 3000x. I usually do it in my offtime and it also helps me be more creative and inventive in my musical style as an artist. It really adds something different to the music and makes it so much better. So yeah. That's my two cents as a proud nightcore listener/artist

#text post #rin rambles

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umichenginabroad · 6 years ago

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GHDI Presents: Origin Stories

May 30, 2019 at 8:39 PM

Hostel Room, it’s like I’ve never moved

There’s this food stand with a blue roof right outside our hostel and they sell these egg and sausage sandwiches with onions and peppers and other veggies for only sixty cents. Between the three of us, we get about four per day.

It’s been a minute since I’ve last written, but sometimes that’s the way it goes. I know I’ve gotten into the habit of just doing a day by day recap and while that’s all well and good, I think I’ll be a bit more brief on those topics and more on African culture or the intangible. I’ve only gotten good feedback, so maybe someone will be bold enough to let me know if it’s a bad change. Who knows? I don’t even know who reads this.

Since I’ve written last, we took a trip to Cape Coast for the weekend! There was no big-bus company that took us directly there so we had to find a big-bus-like company to head down there, and apparently it wasn’t enough like the other company because the bus broke down about halfway down! We chilled out on and off the hot bus and collectively gave the traveling coconut salesman his monthly quota in just a couple hours as he travelled back and forth many times to bring enough coconuts for us all to drink. Supply and demand I guess. I had never had coconut milk (is it called milk?) but it tasted fine, especially because it was hot. I thought it would be a problem to arrive at our hostel at 11pm, but when we arrived to find a large amount of tables and a full DJ blaring music into the night, we found out it was fine (there was another side to the hostel and the noise wasn’t too bad).

Ghana is loud. Like everywhere you go there’s a preacher in a truck with a speaker at max volume going down the street loud. Electronic or radio shops will have all of their speakers for sale all playing music, and many times different music (all at max volume). The crackle you get when you play some speakers at max volume could be the Ghanaian anthem because no matter where you go (our bus to Cape Coast was playing a movie at full volume all the way down) you can hear some speaker playing some music or some gospel that everyone wants you to listen to. The rare moments where the incessant honking and extraneous noise pauses are gifts where you can stop and think about how you appreciate the silence. People just don’t care if they are playing their music loudly or in a way that would definitely be considered discourteous (uncourteous?) in the U.S. just out of a general respect mentality. In similar ways, the visual noise is just as bad. I thought the U.S. was bad with all the advertising you seen on the roads and in the streets but Ghana is a new level. The amount of flyers or adverts or graffiti on the walls saying call this number for (a good time) if you want work or a phone repair place or to buy some mangos is wild.

While in Cape Coast we did some pretty cool things! We visited Kakum National Park, which is the only remaining rain forest in West Africa (!) and it was humid enough to prove it. They had a canopy walk that takes you above the trees and was quite cool! We ate at a restaurant that had an area where you could literally PET crocodiles (and wait 1.5 hours for a piece of fish for lunch) so that was super dope. We spent the afternoon exploring and getting a tour of the Cape Coast Castle (say that five times fast). Cape Coast Castle was used as a slave castle and was a main stop for the transatlantic slave trade for Portugal, the Netherlands, and the British. It was definitely a heavy tour (heavy mentally, not physically, IYKYK) but one that was important for learning more about the history of the area. If you ever visit Cape Coast, I highly recommend going! I made friends with a busker named Ben that made me a personalized gift while we were touring the castle so that’s pretty cool too.

Leaving Cape Coast on a Sunday proved additionally difficult because the buses run even less frequently than during the regular week. On Sunday’s most of the country shuts down for everyone to go to their neighborhood church from about 6am to 11am, you can hear the choirs singing and all the music starting around then. We ended up taking a tro-tro (remember those vans I talked about) the whole four-ish hours to Kumasi, and while it’s tough to fit 23 people in one van, we did it, however cramped we might have been. But hey, it was cheap. If you wanted to (and if you knew more about the system) I’m sure one could take a tro literally anywhere they wanted to in Ghana because some go within cities others go between cities so it’s quite an efficient system actually. Personal or hired drivers are also another great system, negotiating them to drive you around for the day or for a certain activity is actually reasonable and brings a certain level of security in the travel plans. We’re likely to take a hired driver for our trip to the northern region of Ghana when we visit Mole National Park (and see elephants! [hopefully]).

We met a vendor in the cultural center last week that offered to take us to a part of Kumasi where they make all kinds of leather goods! I’m glad we had him with us because the way there was very confusing and he did all the negotiating for prices which was very helpful. Our orders for things we wanted were also complex so I’m sure they were saying “dumbass tourists” as we were walking away, but I don’t speak enough Twi to know what they said. They used natural leathers local to Kumasi, so we’re hoping the products turn out well! I love the vibe of “I know a guy who does this let me give him a call”, and it’s been fun to have those interactions. Even today, our friend Alvin was looking for a charger for his laptop, and when we walked into the electronics store, they didn’t have what he needed but they immediately called someone and in only a few minutes he was at the store showing Alvin what he needed. I wish the U.S. picked up on this trend because it would make for many more friendly communities for everyone in them.

We also took a trip to a local village where they make Kente cloth. Kente cloth is a traditional fabric that is normally woven by hand, and each pattern means something different. Our friend Sammy told us that the designs can mean anything from “don’t be jealous” to “will you marry me” to “Obama came to Ghana” and the history of a village can be told through a combination of these strips of Kente cloth. We were shown how they spin the threads with a few different materials (cotton, rayon, silk, and even a shiny metallic string) and even got to try it ourselves! They have handmade looms where you can see how they weave the threads through a base or through individual strands and some of the weavers move incredibly quickly and it was very cool to see. We also got a glimpse into the cocoa production in Ghana (more on that in a few weeks) where they use every part of the cocoa tree, from the fruit to the husks to the roots to the leaves, everything. That’s a common trend in Ghana, using the entire animal or plant in something. It can be a downside where sometimes you don’t know what part of the chicken you’re eating, though, which is kinda tough.

This weekend we’re sticking around Kumasi to explore a little more of the city and experience the nightlife and other things the weekend can bring. Life at the hospital is going super well, and we’re moving into the next stage of our experience here where we are filtering down the needs we’ve identified and digging deeper into the context surrounding them! Should be lots of things to tell you about when you hear from me next!

Thanks for hanging with me,

Scott

——-

Scott Vanden Heuvel

Mechanical Engineering

GHDI Immersion Experience, Kumasi, Ghana

#umichenginabroad #IPEghana #ScottVandenHeuvel #IPEsummer19

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kingfallstranscripts-blog · 8 years ago

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Episode 16 : Santa Claus Ain’t Comin’ To Town

(King Falls AM theme plays)

Ben: You are off the charts excited, Sammy. Are you sure this isn’t about Christmas vacation?

Sammy: Not at all. I’ve just finally got something big to bring to the table, spooky stuff wise, and I cannot wait.

Ben: *laughs* You are glowing, man. I can’t wait to hear this.

Sammy: Good evening ladies and gents, and Welcome to King Falls AM - that’s 660 on the AM dial, and this is our last show of the year. The last show before our big Christmas break, as Ben mentioned.

Ben: Let’s not say big, it’s just a break. We’ll be right back here literally on New Years Day. Thanks, Merv. But we’ve got a hell of a show for you.

Sammy: Okay, can I just get a few minutes off the top to talk about today’s discovery?

Ben: I was literally just saying, the floor is yours, Sammy.

Sammy: Okay, alright. So, you know sometimes I’m a little bit, uh, skeptical when it comes to -

Ben: Literally everything. You are skeptical of every phenomenon that has crossed our paths.

Sammy: I wouldn’t say every.

Ben: Oh, I would. Do you want a recap? There was the alien abduction, the -

Sammy: *laughs* No - no, no, no. I think you know your stuff. So, you should know that I’m very excited to bring my own bit of King Falls lore to the table tonight.

Ben: Before you press on, are you sure this is a good idea?

Sammy: What do you mean?

Ben: I’m not trying to be argumentative here, but the last time that you brought in a find of our own last time like this, you brought Howard Ford Beauregard III into our lives.

Sammy: *sharply* Okay, that was a mistake and we have talked about that.

Ben: I know! I’m just saying...be super sure about this one, huh.

Sammy: This is nothing like HFB 3.

Ben: Then please continue my friend.

Sammy: So, I was out doing a little bit of shopping earlier today at The King Falls Mall and -

Ben: Was it crazy crowded? I still have to pick up something special for...my mom.

Sammy: It was crowded. Not Black Friday crowded, but nicely darkly opaque Tuesday, if you will.

Ben: Okay, cool.

Sammy: We all know that gift is not for your mom, by the way.

Ben: Whatever.

Sammy: So, I’m at the mall, I make my purchases, but I’m all worked up and got an appetite and I’m not gonna wait in line at a mall eatery with Christmas people, ya know? So, I’m thinking, why not just go the 3 minutes away to Frickards?

Ben: ... Traitor. But I get it.

Sammy: So, I make the drive over to my favorite Frogery. A #5 Frick-a-Seed with extra frog puppies...

Ben: You actually eat the frogs there, man? I heard they poach them there directly from Lake Hatchineha.

Sammy: Don’t say that! They are a fine sponsor of the show.

Ben: Facts are facts.

Sammy: Okay, so I get there and pulling up right beside me is this beautiful candy apple red Corvette. It was a beauty, let me tell ya. Early 1960′s, but the closer I look, the weirder it gets. It’s got bells, like sleigh bells, all over this thing -

Ben: Let’s, uh, move on Sammy.

Sammy: So I look over at the driver, this bigger older gent steps out of the car...red suit, red tie, massive white beard -

Ben: Sammy, I think we should, uh -

Sammy: Tiny little glasses, rosy red cheeks, and the friendliest damn face I’ve ever seen. He introduced himself as Chris!

Ben: So you run into a mall Santa running late for work?

Sammy: Oh, this was no mall Santa, Ben. This was thee Santa. We made chit-chat and there was only one available table, so with it just being myself and him, we -

Ben: You had lunch with a mall Santa.

Sammy: Bennnnn, he knew my name without me saying it!

Ben: You’re a radio sensation, Sammy. Lots of people know your name.

Sammy: Do they know my childhood address? What I got for Christmas when i was 6? I don’t think so!

Ben: *laughs* Oh jeez, you got a Santa stalker, buddy. Either that or Creepy Carl got released on bail. Moving forward -

Sammy: He knew all this stuff, Ben! My wants, my likes...good things and bad things. You know, I’m pretty protective of my personal life, Ben.

Ben: Yeah, I do, Shotgun.

Sammy: This was Santa Claus, real as day, right here in King Falls! Not only that, but he told me that he actually vacations here part of the year! Think about that! The big guy hanging out here! *scoffs* Dude, why are you looking at me like this?

Ben: Do you know how many older gentleman in the world dress up as Santa Claus, Sammy? A lot. It’s a job for some folks. Some of them go to hospitals. It’s a big deal for some folks. This was one of those guys. Just pulling your chain, Sammy. Santa living here part time is *sputters* I doubt very, very seriously that this guy you met -

-Sammy: It was him. I don’t understand why you’re so hell bent on dismissing this! If a caller called in with this story, you’d be on a mission!

Ben: I’m not hell bent on dismissing you. I’m just...looking at this from all angles. How bout that?

Sammy: Are you saying King Falls isn’t good enough for a Santa vacation home? A second house?

Ben: I’m not saying that at all! That’s ludicrous...d-did he tell you I said that?!

Sammy: A-ha! So you know I’m right.

Ben: No! Santa- I mean, mall dude Santas are tricky. I - I don’t trust them! Look at this wedge he’s driving, man!

Sammy: You know something about this...

Ben: *sputters* You want me to tell you what I know?

Sammy: I do!

Ben: Here’s the scoop: I know you meant some...guy. I know he’s not Santa because Santa would not go to Greg Frickard’s place to eat. I know -

Sammy: You’re full of it.

Ben: You wanna put this to the callers? We can poll this thing out.

Sammy: I think I do, Ben! This guy knew what I go for Christmas years ago. HE knew about Wolfington the terrier, which I got for Christmas as a kid. He knew it all!

Ben: Ha, okay, King Falls: Do you think Sammy meant the real Santa Claus earlier today? Think about this and give us a call: 424-279-3858

Sammy: Heh-heh, you are on, buddy. I’m not gonna be the only person here -

Ben: *quickly* OPERATION KING FALLS KRINGLE

(Cuts to commercial: Banjo Music Playing)

“Howdy y’all! It’s Randy McMullet from McMulletson’s National Palace of Snake Skin Boots, and I’m here to let ya know we got some rattlin’ new for ya. After the sensational success of Black Mamba Friday, it’s time to roll out our next deal of the year. This weekend it’s our annual Secret Santa Albino Snakeskin Special. We’ll have all our white snake choices at our unbeatable dark snake prices. So slither on down just outside of town at the corner of Route 72 and Ol Bauman Range Road. McMullet’s International House of Snake Skin Boots! Where we fill yourboots, with savin’s!"

(Welcome to 660 plays)

Sammy: What the hell was that about?

Ben: It was about saving money on boots, man.

Sammy: No, whatever you yelled right before the commercial.

Ben: *laughs* I don’t know what you’re talking about. I sneezed.

Sammy: ... I’m watching you.

Ben: Watch away, Sammy. Pick a line, they’re all lit up. Like Christmas.

Sammy: You’re way too smug, I don’t like this. Lucky Line 1...

Ben: An excellent choice.

Sammy: Good evening, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia: First off, Sammy, obviously you’re off your rocker. Santa lives in the North Pole!

Sammy: *sighs* Hi, Cynthia.

Cynthia: Secondly, are you for real shopping at the King Falls Mall? Do you have a death wish?!

Ben: What are you on about, Mrs. Higenbaum?

Sammy: It honestly wasn’t that busy...

Cynthia: I’m not talking about crowds! I’m talking about the gang of vampires that live in the mall... just waiting for the perfect time to strike!

Ben: What?!

Cynthia: Of course you wouldn’t know, Ben.

Ben: I’m pretty up to date on my -

Cynthia: Obviously you are not...or you’d know about the gang of vampires that live in the mall!

Sammy: Cynthia, thanks for calling tonight. Even if you are dead wrong about Santa. Now, would you like to expand about this, uh, vam-

Cynthia. Gang of vampires.

Sammy: Right...

Ben: How do you know that they’re vampires, Cynthia?

Cynthia: Pale much? Check. Dark clothes? Check. Never ever out in the light of day? CHECK!

Ben & Sammy: She’s talking about Hot Topic...

Sammy: Aren’t you?

Cynthia: They just glare at you soullessly when you walk in. Eyeing you up and down, probably looking for a good vein.

Sammy: Or a neck tattoo.

Cynthia: This is not to be made light of, Sammy! You’ll see!

Ben: They’re just goth kids, Mrs. Higenbaum.

Cynthia: Oh, please. Like you know! Let the record state that when King Falls is overrun in a Lost Boys type fashion with these emo vampires that I tried to warn you! And you just laughed!

Sammy: What do you recommend, Cynthia? Should we stock up on garlic and stakes?

Ben: I think just knowing our parents loved us enough should do the trick.

Cynthia: Laugh it up, you dumbs. You know I hate telling people “I told you so” but I will tell your ass “I told you so” SO FAST! *politely* Merry Christmas! *hangs up*

Ben: So... we’ll count that as a no. 0 and 1, Sammy.

Sammy: Line 5, welcome to King Falls AM.

Finn: *faint sounds of the highway* Hey, Sammy! Hey, Ben!

Sammy: Hey, Finn! Long time no talk, buddy! You doin’ alright?

Finn: Oh yeah! Never better! Just had to get a couple shots, ya know?

Ben: That’s good to hear, Finn. Uh, what’s your take on this?

Finn: Oh, I was actually just phonin’ cause I wanted to tell you fellas Merry Christmas before it was too late.

Ben: Merry Christmas to you too, Finn! Stay safe out there on the roads.

Finn: You know it!

Sammy: Well, thanks for calling in, Finn. We’re glad that you’re feeling better. We were pretty worried about you.

Finn: Ohhhh, you fellas. Howl at the moon one little time and you get alllll worried.

Sammy: It was more than once, Finn.

Finn: You know what I’m sayin’! It’s not like I’m going to sleep and wakin’ up naked in a field somewhere covered in chicken feathers and god knows what all over me... on the regular. *sounds of scratching *

Sammy: That... is, um, good to hear, Finn.

Finn: Just once every now and then, ya know?

Ben: *laughs nervously* Okay, y-you take care of yourself. Happy Holidays.

Finn: You know it! *hangs up*

Ben: That was another-

Sammy: Don’t count that! Finn didn’t comment on it either way!

Ben: I’ll mark it as Switzerland. Another call?

Sammy: You bet your ass another call. Y-you pick a line!

Ben: Uh, line 3! Good evening and Wel-

Herschel: *low sounds of a boat motor and crickets* You two goofy sons of (censored) hung up on me last time I called! When I get my dick-beaters on ya, it’ll be hell to pay!

Ben: Uh, we...must’ve been having...phone difficulties, Herschel. We would never. Did you call during the Electrolocaust?

Herschel: I called two damn week ago, Ben Arnold! Don’t you “Electrolocaust” me. Gotta wake up pretty damn early in the morning to scoot one past Herschel F. Baumgartner.

Sammy: Herschel, we are so sorry the phones were malfunctioning last time you called. Are you on tonight to talk about Santa’s appearance and possible living in King Falls?

Herschel: Santa who? Santa Livingston? Haven’t heard from that son of a (censored) since the Beaches of Normandy...

Sammy: Santa Claus, Herschel...

Herschel: No, I ain’t here to talk about no Sante Claus. You two need to grow the (censored) up.

Ben: What’s on your mind, Herschel?

Herschel: Don’t rush me! You two-toned pecker sniff! I’ll get to it when I get to it.

Sammy: Herschel, do you think -

Herschel: Mother (censored)! I had it before you opened your damn trap! I’ll ring you later when I can think of it, and you better not hang up on me again!

Sammy: You do that, Herschel... if we don’t hear back from you before then, have a Merry Christmas.

Herschel: You two goin’ somewhere?

Ben: It’s our Christmas Break! But we’ll be back live on New Years Day.

Herschel: You know what my generation called “breaks”?

Sammy: *under his breath* They weren’t just breaks?

Herschel: They called it being (censored) dead because that’s the only break you get in life. You freeloading radio commies! Enjoy your break or vaycay or whatever you pansy bastards call it.

Ben: Happy Holidays to you too, Herschel!

Herschel: I didn’t kill Hitler to say Happy (censored) Holidays... :*mutters under breath* *hangs up*

Sammy: Ladies and gentlemen, Ben and I are talking about the appearance of Santa here in King Falls earlier today. I was told from the jolly one himself that he enjoys staying in The Falls when he isn’t in the busy season. Ben says otherwise...

Ben: Have you or anyone you know ran into this phony Santa saying he’s squatting here? If you have, give us a call *coughing* Operation King Falls Kringle.

Sammy: I knew you were up to something!

Ben: Please. You’re paranoid because you’re losing. Line 2, this is King Falls AM.

Troy: Hey, fellas, Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah if that’s the way your dreidel spins. Or h-have a good Kwanzaa, etc and so on.

Sammy: Merry Christmas, Troy.

Ben: Are you not supposed to be calling us on duty?

Troy: I’m on break, Ben! Damn it all! Don’t start! I’m calling to tell you something important.

Ben: This again? You’re a broken record. BYE, TROY.

Sammy: Don’t... let him speak.

Ben: Tsk. Whatever.

Troy: Thanks, Sammy...and right off the bat I wanna tell you I believe you saw what you say you saw.

Ben: Troy! Come on! You know the drill!

Troy: I’m not saying he was or he wasn’t. I’m just saying, if you saw him... I believe ya. Maybe a man just wants to lay low, far away from the spotlight. I mean, King Falls is a heck of a town to retire to.

Sammy: Mark that down, Ben.

Ben: He’s only saying it just to spite me.

Troy: That ain’t close to true and you know it, Ben Arnold. w, if you’ll permit me... I’ve got a gift for ya.

Ben: If this is your friendship, I hope you kept the receipt.

Troy: It’s actually not that. Though, it’s ripe for the picking whenever you want it, Ben.

Ben: Ha, don’t hold your breath...

Sammy: *sighs* Come on. Do you wanna bring it by the station, Troy?

Ben: DON’T!

Troy: Well the problem is I bought it online and I’m having it shipped here and well...seems it’s gonna be a little late.

Ben: *laughs condescendingly* Of course it is. Can’t even get a Christmas present right, Troy. Just give it up!

Troy: We were best buds growing up and... I ain’t givin up on that. Or you. I mean, you’ll see. You and me, we’ll be back where we started just as sure as you can say “pickled pie piper”

Ben: NEXT CALLER.

Troy: That’ll work, too! Well, I’ll quit yackin and make like a shepherd and get the flock outta here.

Sammy: Take care, Troy. Merry Christmas to you and yours, buddy.

Ben: Bye, already!

Troy: Catch ya later, future buddy.

Ben: We have time for one or two more before break. Ya wanna keep going or give it up?

Sammy: By my count, we are tied.

Ben: Glutton for punishment...you call it.

Sammy: I’m gonna go back to Lucky Line 1. Happy Holidays! You’re on King Falls AM.

Caller: *Heavily Elvis Presley sounding* Hey, man, uh - I wanna talk about this Chris Kringle business.

Sammy: We’re all ears, sir. Have you seen him around town or am I just being fooled by a factitious St.Nick?

Caller/Probably Elvis: The way I see it, uh -

Ben: Uh, who are we speaking with?

Caller/Elvis: That don’t matter none.

Ben: Right. Uh, w-what were you saying, sir?

Caller/Elvis: I just think that a man wants to lie low in a place where he’s not gonna get bothered or pestered or recognized than good for him. Maybe life got too stressful or he didn’t wanna buy a Cadi for everyone that he met.... Hell, maybe he followed the love of his life to a small Podunk crazy haunted town. Maybe it’s cause he found out Rose makes the greatest peanut butter banana sammich you ever laid eyes on.

Sammy: Are... we still talking about Santa Claus, sir?

Caller/Elvis: Of course!

Sammy: Okay, it just seemed like maybe we were talking about someone else for a second. Like yourself...

Caller/Elvis: ♪Don’t be cruel♪ Sammy. I’m just a teddy bear. A teddy bear with nothin to hide. I say if Ol’ St. Nick wants to hang out in this spooky place then so be it. We can’t have ♪suspicious minds!♪ about it. Just let it be.

Ben: Sir, I-I don’t wanna make this about you, but you sound a lot like the King of Rock and I -

Caller/Elvis: Yeah! ♪Little less conversation♪ Ben! *hangs up*

Sammy: I’m just gonna say... I think that guy knows that he’s talking about, Ben.

Ben: Still doesn’t mean anything!

Sammy: Why are you fighting me so hard one this, Ben?!

Ben: Okay... I’m not saying you’re right...

Sammy: But I’m right...

Ben: But! But! If somebody as important as Santa Claus was to have a vacation home or hide away spot in King Falls - and he doesn’t!

Sammy: And he does...

Ben: But...maybe it’s for a reason. Like a specific reason. Like maybe he doesn’t wanna be bothered with a bag of mail everyday. An email address overflowing with wants and needs. Non-union worker issues. Maybe the wife wants a place to escape the hustle and bustle of the great white north a few times a year without TMZ knocking on the door. If that were the case, and I-I don’t think it would be fair to call attention to that.

Sammy: If that were the case...

Ben: Right! If that were the case. Now, I do not think that’s the case at all. I think this is the case of... mistaken identity. Or maybe you were tricked by a chubby merrier than thou prankster who was too friendly to not keep up appearances. But I don’t think you really saw the real deal here...and he certainly wouldn’t live in King Falls for a few weeks every year if you did see him.

Sammy: Huh. Maybe...Maybe I was mistaken...

Ben: It...it could’ve been anybody.

Sammy: I think you’re on to somethin, Ben. I think I was, uh... huh. I think I was mislead.

(Holiday music starts playing)

Ben: *laughs* Maybe so!

Sammy: Hmm, well... Okay, then.

Ben: We good?

Sammy: Yeah, I think we’re good! So I hear we got a hell of a show lined up for tonight, is that right?

Ben: Oh! You better believe it, buddy! Right after the break!

(Sleigh-bells and Santa in background) Ho-ho-ho!

Sammy: Sorry about that, folks! Somebody must owe Chet some money. Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for hanging out with us this chilly winter’s night. We’re just getting started here, but we’re gonna take a quick break to pay some bills. If we don’t hear from you before then, Merry Christmas to you and yours from King Falls AM.

(Sleigh-bells and Santa in background) Merry Christmas!

#king falls #king falls am #kfam #podcast transcript #transcript #16 #Santa Claus Ain't Comin To Town #podcast

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mastcomm · 5 years ago

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Kansas City’s firepower proves too much for Tennessee.

The Kansas City Chiefs are headed to Super Bowl LIV in Miami after ending the Tennessee Titans’ Cinderella-like run in the playoffs with a 35-24 victory at Arrowhead Stadium in the A.F.C. championship game on Sunday.

Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs simply had too much firepower for the Titans, persevering through an early deficit for a second consecutive playoff game and running away with things in a chilly second half during which temperatures dipped as low as 18 degrees.

“We’re not done yet,” Mahomes said in a televised interview after the game. “We’re going to get it.”

Read more Kansas City’s firepower proves too much for Tennessee.

Unlike last year, when Kansas City’s offense was undone by its defense in an A.F.C. championship game loss to New England, the Chiefs showed some serious balance for much of this game, largely limiting running back Derrick Henry — particularly in the second half — and at one point reeling off 28 unanswered points. A valiant comeback by Tennessee, which got them back within 11, fell apart when Ryan Tannehill was sacked by Frank Clark for a turnover on downs.

Mahomes finished the game having completed 23 of 35 passes for 294 yards, throwing two touchdowns to wide receiver Tyreek Hill and a backbreaking 60-yarder to Sammy Watkins in the fourth quarter that put the game out of reach. The most shocking statistic of the day, however, was Kansas City out-rushing Tennessee, with 112 yards to the Titans’ 85.

An ebullient tight end Travis Kelce heaped praise on Mahomes’s ability to carry the team with his arm and his legs.

“The best quarterback in the National Football League right here,” he said, wrapping his arm around Mahomes. “And he shows it every time.”

Henry, who won the N.F.L. rushing title this season and had rushed for 588 yards over his last three games, was limited to 69 yards on 19 carries. And unlike the regular season, when Tannehill made teams pay for focusing on Henry, Tennessee was unable to counter with the passing game as its 10-point lead turned into an 18-point deficit.

Tannehill came into the game as something of a punch line after he had passed for fewer than 100 yards in each of Tennessee’s first two playoff games. He was far more productive in this game, completing 21 of 31 passes for 209 yards and two touchdowns. But in the brutal middle of the game, in which Kansas City took control, Tannehill failed to deliver on the signature deep strikes that had been so beneficial to Henry in the past.

The game featured a wild first half in which only two drives — a Kansas City punt and a kneel-down by Tennessee at the end of the second quarter — did not end in a scoring play.

Tennessee took an early 10-0 lead, and answered Kansas City’s first touchdown of the day with one of their own, making it 17-7, but that is where things started to fizzle.

Major early deficits in time of possession and total yardage faded away quickly once Mahomes got into a rhythm. And Tennessee, which had been a giant-killer in the first two rounds of the playoffs — beating the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens on the road — did not respond well to playing on its heels, with its offense and defense seeming to fall apart simultaneously.

The Chiefs, who lost Super Bowl I to Green Bay, will head to the N.F.L.’s championship game for the first time since winning it following the 1969 season. It is the longest gap between Super Bowl appearances in N.F.L. history. They will face the winner of Sunday night’s N.F.C. championship game between the Green Bay Packers and the San Francisco 49ers.

Frank Clark sack all but guarantees Kansas City victory.

Credit…Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

The Titans failed to convert on fourth-and-6 from their own 35-yard line, with Ryan Tannehill being knocked backward by Frank Clark for a sack, and this game is effectively over.

The Chiefs just have to kneel on the ball to clinch the victory.

Tennessee not giving up just yet.

Credit…Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

It may be a case of too little too late, but Tennessee answered Kansas City’s latest touchdown by going 80 yards on eight plays, with Ryan Tannehill finding tight end Anthony Firkser for a leaping 22-yard touchdown which reduced the Titans’ deficit to 35-24.

It was the first time in the second half that the Titans have been aggressive in passing the ball, and the returns were good. Tennessee kept the drive alive with a fake punt in which Brett Kern completed a 28-yard pass to Amani Hooker and Tannehill got a 22-yard catch-and-run from Corey Davis.

Sammy Watkins outraces defense for 60-yard touchdown.

Credit…Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

After Kansas City had forced another Tennessee punt, Patrick Mahomes and Sammy Watkins broke this game wide open with a 60-yard bomb of a touchdown pass in which Watkins outran the entire Tennessee defense and Mahomes threw deep across the field to find the speedy wide receiver. To add insult to injury, Tennessee was called for holding on the play in which they fell behind, 35-17.

The drive had been fairly nondescript ahead of the deep pass, which came on third-and-6 from Kansas City’s 40-yard line. And with just 7:33 remaining in the game, it seems like an absolutely backbreaker for a Titans team that mostly relies on grinding out games with the run.

Damien Williams extends Kansas City’s lead.

Credit…Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

Think the Chiefs are just a passing team? Think again. Kansas City ran the ball nine times for 51 yards, contributing the bulk of the yardage on a 73-yard drive early in the fourth quarter before Damien Williams’s 3-yard touchdown that extended the Chiefs’ lead, 28-17.

The drive was a mix of handoffs to Williams and Darwin Thompson and scrambles in which Mahomes read the coverage and decided to keep the ball himself. For Williams, it was his fourth touchdown of this postseason.

The Titans led by 10 at two points in the game, but now trail by 11.

Kansas City cold could be an issue in the fourth quarter.

It’s 19 degrees in Kansas City, and it will only get colder with the sun going down at the start of the fourth quarter. The Chiefs are leading, 28-17, to start the fourth quarter after a scoreless third.

The weather does not particularly favor either team, as Kansas City is used to it and Tennessee’s run-heavy approach is weather agnostic, though deep passes to A.J. Brown may be problematic.

A slower start to the third quarter.

It seemed like every drive of the first half ended in a scoring play — only two didn’t — but the third quarter began with consecutive punts. The latest came by way of the Chiefs getting a huge stop on third-and-10 when safety Daniel Sorensen absolutely flattened Ryan Tannehill four yards short of converting on a run in which Tannehill had been showing off his underrated wheels.

Kansas City had given the ball back to Tennessee fairly quickly despite having the opening drive of the half extended by way of a successful challenge in which it was shown that Sammy Watkins was in-bounds on a crucial third-down catch. The drive fizzled five plays later when Patrick Mahomes’s pass to Tyreek Hill fell incomplete on a third-and-10 from Kansas City’s 47-yard line.

Can Henry wear down the Chiefs?

Derrick Henry averaged 188.5 yards rushing in the first two games of the playoffs, wearing down New England’s and Baltimore’s defenses with his bruising running style. Henry did much of his damage against the Patriots in the first half, and simply ran over the Ravens in the second half.

The Chiefs today moved many of its defenders up near the line of scrimmage to help shut down Henry — with mixed results. His 62 yards on 16 carries in the first half resulted in one touchdown and allowed the Titans to control the time of possession, limiting the time on the field for the explosive Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes. But Mahomes made the most of his opportunities, giving the Chiefs the lead late in the first half. Expect Tennessee to do more of the same in the second half, relying on Henry to eat up yards and eat up time.

Patrick Mahomes’s touchdown run changed the game’s momentum.

Patrick Mahomes capped Kansas City’s 86-yard drive by thundering into the end zone himself.

Game slipping away from Titans at halftime.

It was a wild first half in Kansas City, with Tennessee largely being able to do what it wanted on offense. Yet the Titans still went into halftime trailing, 21-17.

The Titans got 62 rushing yards and a touchdown from Derrick Henry, and 120 passing yards and a touchdown from Ryan Tannehill, which helped them build leads of 10-0 and 17-7. But Kansas City didn’t relent after punting on its first possession, following that with touchdowns on its next three.

Patrick Mahomes is up to 172 passing yards and 36 rushing yards, and has exploited the Titans’ secondary thanks to the speed of Tyreek Hill, who has 52 yards and two touchdowns.

Read more Game slipping away from Titans at halftime.

The Titans only failed to score on one full possession — beyond a kneel-down with seven seconds left in the half — and dominated time of possession with 19:08 to Kansas City’s 10:52. But the game was clearly slipping away from them at the end of the first half, and Kansas City getting the ball to start the second half won’t help.

The saving grace for Tennessee is that the team has typically finished games far stronger than it started, with the run-heavy strategy centered around Henry to wear teams down creating opportunities for Tannehill.

Patrick Mahomes’s run gives Kansas City its first lead.

Patrick Mahomes pulled off a run that looked like something from the Lamar Jackson playbook, stepping out of two tackles, racing down the sideline and fighting through traffic at the goal line for a 27-yard touchdown. After having trailed, 10-0, at one point, the Kansas City Chiefs are leading the Titans, 21-17.

The Chiefs are truly rolling, going 86 yards on nine plays after getting the ball back just after the two-minute warning. The drive had been set up when the Chiefs’ defense finally came up with a great stretch of plays, forcing a three-and-out. While Tennessee will get one more brief possession in this half, Kansas City will receive the ball to start the second half.

Kelly is the heaviest player to catch a postseason touchdown pass.

Titans quarterback Ryan Tannehill completed a 1-yard touchdown pass to tackle Dennis Kelly to put Tennessee ahead, 17-7, early in the second quarter.

Chiefs quickly answer with Tyreek Hill’s second touchdown.

No one answers a scoring drive better than Patrick Mahomes, and the Chiefs quarterback kept his team squarely in this game by following the Titans’ latest touchdown by going 63 yards on just five plays. He hit wide receiver Tyreek Hill with a 20-yard touchdown pass in which Hill barely seemed to be covered by Tennessee.

Mahomes is having no problem with the Titans’ underwhelming pass defense so far. He has completed 9 of 13 passes for 120 yards and two touchdowns.

Titans take advantage of penalty to extend lead.

Tennessee was handed a huge gift in the form of a pass interference penalty against Kansas City on a third-and-22 play, and that was just the boost the Titans needed to finish off a 75-yard drive, culminating with Ryan Tannehill completing a 1-yard touchdown pass to tackle Dennis Kelly, who had been declared an eligible receiver in the jumbo package. Tennessee now leads, 17-7, early in the second quarter.

The biggest play of the drive — beyond the touchdown pass to the 6-foot-8, 321-pound Kelly — was the long third-down conversion attempt in which Tannehill completed a pass to Corey Davis that was 12 yards short of a first down. Kansas City was flagged for interference on the play, giving Tennessee a short field and a first down. From there it seemed like just a matter of time until the Titans scored. The drive took 9 minutes 7 seconds of clock time, which is huge considering Tennessee’s best bet to win is keeping Patrick Mahomes off the field.

Titans lead, 10-7, at end of first quarter.

At the end of the first quarter, this game has been as exciting as Las Vegas expected when setting an aggressive over/under at 52.5 points. The Titans moved down the field with ease on their first two drives, and Kansas City, after a slow start, looked electric on its second chance with the ball.

Going into the second quarter, Tennessee has the ball, a distinct advantage in both total yards and time of possession, and a 10-7 lead. Derrick Henry has 32 rushing yards on eight carries and Ryan Tannehill, who was held to fewer than 100 passing yards in each of his first two playoff games, is already at 83.

Tyreek Hill put the Chiefs on the board with a touchdown catch.

Credit…Charlie Riedel/Associated Press

Kansas City waited until they were behind, 24-0, to come alive last week, but was spurred into action with just a 10-point deficit this week. The team went 74 yards on 10 plays, scoring when Tyreek Hill took a short pass from Patrick Mahomes in the backfield and raced around the left corner for a 8-yard touchdown, narrowing the Titans’ lead to 10-7.

Just like Tennessee, Kansas City showed some aggressiveness by eschewing the kicking game and going for a conversion on fourth-and-2 from Tennessee’s 28-yard line. They converted with a 4-yard pass from Mahomes to Travis Kelce. The Titans have been sending quite a bit of pressure early, but Mahomes has held strong, and managed to evade a sack to complete a crucial 26-yard pass to Tyreek Hill, who showed some awareness by coming back to the ball and trapping it just before it hit the turf.

The Chiefs used their first timeout on the drive, and Tennessee had a brief delay of game when linebacker Rashaan Evans had to come off the field with an injury.

Titans extend lead with Henry’s touchdown run.

Credit…Tom Pennington/Getty Images

Derrick Henry took a direct snap and plowed his way into the end zone on a 4-yard run, giving the Titans an early 10-0 lead. The run was the culmination of a 58-yard drive in which Tennessee rolled the dice on a fourth-and-2 play from Kansas City’s 29-yard line rather than attempt a long field goal.

The drive, which followed a three-and-out from Kansas City’s offense, had begun with two strong runs by Henry, which gained a total of 16 yards. Ryan Tannehill then got away with a rare mistake when cornerback Bashaud Breeland stepped in front of a pass for a play that was initially called an interception, but was ruled incomplete following a review. A few penalties, a few more runs, and the huge fourth down pass from Tannehill to wide receiver Adam Humphries let the Titans score fairly easily.

Titans take 3-0 lead with rare field goal.

Credit…Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

After a promising opening drive stalled out, the Titans got an early lead with a 30-yard field goal by Greg Joseph, giving them an early 3-0 lead. The team had not made a field goal since Week 13.

Tennessee had looked far different on its first drive than it did in the last two weeks. On the second play of the game, Ryan Tannehill made a point about his passing ability by throwing long to rookie wide receiver A.J. Brown, who cut through defenders for a 37-yard gain. Two plays later, he picked up a second first down with a 12-yard catch-and-run to Corey Davis. The team did not get much traction with running back Derrick Henry, but his style lends itself more to wearing teams down rather than big gains early in the day.

Chris Jones will be active for Chiefs.

Kansas City’s Chris Jones was unable to play in last weekend’s divisional round win over Houston. He led the Chiefs with nine sacks this season.Credit…Denny Medley/USA Today Sports, via Reuters

Chris Jones was not on Kansas City’s final injury report heading into the game, and is expected to be active. The defensive tackle missed last week’s win over Houston with a calf injury, but had a breakout season in 2019, earning his first Pro Bowl selection. Jones led the team with nine sacks, and could be key in helping slow down Tennessee’s Derrick Henry, but he had to pass a pregame workout to be declared active. The Chiefs are also expecting tight end Travis Kelce to play through a lingering knee injury. Running back LeSean McCoy is inactive for the Chiefs, and Kansas City’s biggest absence is one they knew of in advance: rookie safety Juan Thornhill, who tore the anterior cruciate ligament in his left knee in Week 17.

Tennessee, meanwhile, had several key players on its injury report heading into today, but linebacker Jayon Brown (who missed last weekend’s game with a shoulder injury) and wide receiver Adam Humphries (who has not played since Week 13) will be active.

Head coaches have plenty of conference championship experience.

Mike Vrabel, left, of the Titans played in the conference championships six times as a player. Andy Reid of the Chiefs has coached in this round of the playoffs 10 times.Credit…Brett Carlsen/Getty Images

The head coaches of the Titans and Chiefs are no strangers to conference championships. Coach Andy Reid has led Kansas City to the A.F.C. championship game in each of the last two seasons and previously led the Philadelphia Eagles to the N.F.C. championship game five times in 14 seasons — winning once. As a Green Bay assistant from 1992 to 1997, he went to the N.F.C. championship three times, winning twice.

Tennessee’s Mike Vrabel is in the A.F.C. championship game for the first time as a head coach, but he regularly advanced to the game as a player. He played for a shot at a Super Bowl appearance as a rookie with the Pittsburgh Steelers following the 1997 season — losing to John Elway’s Denver Broncos — and with the New England Patriots, where he played in the conference championship five times over a span of eight seasons, winning four times.

Damien Williams views the Chiefs as underdogs.

Kansas City was winning, 10-7, when running back Damien Williams lost a fumble which the Titans returned 53 yards for a touchdown. The Chiefs ended up losing the game, 35-32.Credit…Christopher Hanewinckel/USA Today Sports, via Reuters

Kansas City has a whole host of skill players, but an interesting one to watch in this game will be running back Damien Williams, who was expected to play a secondary role to LeSean McCoy this season but emerged as the team’s more explosive option. Williams had 124 rushing yards in Kansas City’s bye-week-clinching win over the Chargers in Week 17, and while he had just 68 yards from scrimmage in the divisional round, he scored three touchdowns.

Williams had 109 yards from scrimmage against Tennessee in Week 10, but had a fumble returned for a touchdown. As a result, he is not buying into the narrative that Kansas City is a huge favorite. “The type of person I am, I can’t have somebody beat up on me and then come to my house and then think they’re going to beat up on me again,” he said to reporters on Thursday. “People are looking at them as the underdogs but I feel we’re the underdogs right now. They’ve already got one up on us.”

Las Vegas expects a high-scoring game.

Wide receiver Adam Humphries hauled in a 23-yard touchdown reception against Kansas City in Week 10. Credit…Jim Brown/USA Today Sports, via Reuters

Don’t let Tennessee’s focus on the run fool you: All indications ahead of this game are that it could easily turn into a high-scoring affair. Las Vegas set the over/under for the game at 52.5 — six points higher than the prediction for the N.F.C. championship game — and considering that the teams combined for 67 points in Week 10, that number could easily push higher.

The reasons for the high scoring prediction are fairly obvious. Kansas City was ranked 26th in the N.F.L. against the run this season — a major issue now that the team is facing Derrick Henry — and Tennessee, asked to slow down Patrick Mahomes, was ranked 24th against the pass. While the Chiefs’ secondary, led by safety Tyrann Mathieu, has been a strength, there may be some passing opportunities for the Titans thanks to the absence of rookie safety standout Juan Thornhill.

Frank Clark gives Derrick Henry some extra motivation.

Defensive end Frank Clark was a great addition for Kansas City this season, but he may have done his team some harm by giving Tennessee running back Derrick Henry some added motivation ahead of this game. Henry has rushed for at least 180 yards in three consecutive games — and ran for 188 yards against Kansas City in Week 10 — but Clark said a running back as large as Henry, who is 6-foot-3 and 247 pounds, should actually run quite a bit harder. “He’s just easy to me up front because I don’t look at any running back like they can’t be tackled,” Clark said. “He’s not one of the best guys at breaking tackles to me, honestly.”

Baltimore safety Earl Thomas made similarly dismissive comments about Henry and the Titans before last weekend’s divisional round. That came back to haunt the star safety, as at one point in Henry’s 195-yard game, the running back effectively used Thomas as a lead blocker (above) on a long run. Tennessee beat the top-seeded Ravens, 28-12.

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